Monday, October 01, 2007

The Queen's Opinions on Driving and Traffic

People, I sit in my car every day and marvel at the way that some folks drive. On the highway, in school parking lots, on the plain old city streets. I'm starting to believe that I may be living in an alternate universe, because what makes sense to me does not seem to make sense to the rest of the world.

So. As an alternative to implementing a mandatory Queen's Driving School for the entire country, or at least all of Texas, I'll start here. With the Queen's Opinions on Driving and Traffic. Also known as Good Common Sense While Driving.


Dude, WHY ON EARTH do you have to ride my bumper? Seriously, can ANYONE tell me the purpose of this? It DOES NOT make me drive faster. In fact, sometimes I slow down, just for kicks. It also does not get you anywhere faster. Oh, and if I slam on the brakes, you're bleeding. Think about it.

And if there's a lane closure coming up, Get Over Now. When you see the sign. Because I did, and if you speed all the way up to the end of your lane, I'm Not Letting You Over. Because you're pushy and rude. If you and your pushy friends had gotten over when traffic was still moving and there was plenty of space, traffic would still be moving. You and those of your kind are the reason traffic is stop and go. Because people have to stop to let you in. Cut it out.


If the principal has come out to your car and asked you not to pick up your child in the through lane, OBEY HIM. Do not pull up in the same spot tomorrow and GET OUT OF YOUR CAR, thereby blocking EVERY CAR IN THE ENTIRE PARKING LOT. Thanks.

When everyone else is going in the proper direction, what makes you think you don't have to? See those big yellow arrows? They're there for a reason. You should be required to drive a Mo-ped.

Do you see my blinker? I need over. All you have to do is pause. Please do not rush to close the gap. How mean ARE you?

When I stop to let someone in, that doesn't mean for the entire free world to try to squeeze in front of my car. I'm being nice, people. Don't tick me off.

There should be a law about blocking the entrance to a school parking lot. And there should be a special place in H. E. Double Toothpicks for people who block said entrance. Actually, I think it should be a law that NO entrance should be blocked, EVER. What's it gonna hurt you to let one little person out of that driveway, huh? Be Nice.


First of all, I think it's maybe unwise to make the speed limit 45 on a city street. There's too much turning in and pulling out and mind changing and garage saleing going on. 30-40 is sufficient.

Stop running red lights. You're gonna put an eye out.

If you're not at an intersection, please don't try to turn left across three lanes of heavy traffic. It's selfish. You're asking at least three other cars to stop for you, just so you don't have to go up half a block to the next light.

Okay, y'all, that's what comes to mind right now. Too much?

If you have a differing opinion, and you're nice, I'd love to hear it! And I DEFINITELY want to hear what you consider Good Common Sense While Driving.

Let me have it!


Roses Are Red, Violets are Violet said...

Go on Lori wit your bad self.


WendyDarling said...

As someone who has to put up with East Texas drivers, I say "AMEN!!!" You nailed it, girl. :-)

Jennifer said...

Oh yeah - AMEN SISTER!!!!!! And I could think of many, many more!! Every single one of those things irk me to no end.
(Are you SURE we weren't separated at birth? LOL)

Tina @ Mummified Times Five said...

Oh my! You don't live near me, do you? Because I think we've come across the same bad drivers! This is an awesome idea for a post. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

what about those cars that did not come with blinkers???

karen the hairstylist

T with Honey said...

For the lane closure I have to agree about not speeding up to the end of your lane and then shoving in but don't try and merge into that one single lane as soon as you start seeing signs either.

It really works best if everyone just stays in the lane they are in and proceeds at a reasonable speed to the point where one lane starts to disappear. Where the lane disappears drivers should then take turns moving forward.
Otherwise the lane being closed gets backed up while one driver tries to merge at 1000 ft before it goes away. Another 5 drivers squeeze in at 750 ft. On and on. That slows everyone down.
By staying in your lane and then merge in every other car there is only one bottle neck area instead of 25+.