Sunday, August 19, 2007

Mornin', y'all.

Y'all. I want to take the chainsaw that my husband is sawing logs with and lightly smack him in the head with it. More than once. But lightly. Just enough to induce a light coma until the alarm goes off. I've heard that people in comas don't snore. Anyone know if that's accurate? Cause I would hate to induce a coma and still have to endure the snoring.

In Big Daddy's defense...I'm not sure there is a defense, actually. I DO LOVE MY BIG DADDY! But the snoring, y'all? Sometimes it just makes me insane.

Take tonight for example. I didn't fall asleep until after 2:00 a.m. Snoring occurring but not an issue at that point.

However. Some time after 2:00 a.m., very tall 7-year-old child comes into my room, scared that the freaking Monster House is coming to get her. My dang fault for letting the kids watch dadgum Monster House. Last Week. I knew it was a mistake and I did it anyway. Stupidest freaking movie marketed to kids ever. What the heck was I thinking?

How can this kid be describing this dream to me in the dead of night, can't she see my eyes don't want to stay open, "Just lay down at the foot of my bed, then." AND LET ME SLEEP.

And don't you know that I woke up again at 4:40 in the morning drenched in sweat, because I can't wait until my 50's to start this crap, oh no, that wouldn't work, would it? Let's give Lori hot flashes in her early 40's, shall we?

Get up, go potty, sit at the computer where the air conditioner blows straight on me and usually cools me down in a few minutes. Return to bed where...oh my goodness, there seems to be a 7-year-old in my spot. Shove over, sister, I'm comin' in.

Unfortunately, when I wake up during the night, I usually need the TV to go back to sleep, but turn on a TV, day or night, and my darling girls will watch it. And I'm not sure there's anything on the television at 5:00 a.m. that's suitable for a minor to watch. So I flip channels while she just flips. I finally turn on a music channel and attempt to sleep.

BUT DON'T FORGET THE SNORING.

No Go. I began composing this post in my head.

And at 5:30, I gave up, came to my computer, wrote this post and will now go take my shower.

Good morning, y'all. Thank goodness it's Sunday so I can go to church and get edified and sanctified and good moodified. And then come home and take a heck of a nap.

6 comments:

shoeaddict said...

Yes, sometimes I want to smother Luke. In a good way

Tina said...

Hehe apparently I'm the snorer in our bed, although I don't think I snore...lol

Kristen said...

You're hilarious!

D snores also. There was a point 8 years ago that the wonderful Air Force doctors said that it was his nose, and something a deviated something or other, and that they could operate to fix it. Well, that man went under the knife and are you serious? The man still snores. It was the only thing I didn't miss about him when he was gone.

julie said...

I'm the snoorer in my house. My poor hubby. Maybe you could form a support group? Or invent really good ear plugs for sleeping?

Just an idea.

MamaLady said...

Lori, it seems we're living parallel lives! The snoring. The waking kids. The no tv lest the youngins come a running. Mercifully though, I have not started the night sweats now that I'm 40. You can keep those all to yourself.
So far, I'm lovin your blog.
I'll be back. That's a promise, not a threat.
Oh, has Big Daddy tried taking a sudafed before bed? Or used those nose things? I forget what they're called. Both help me. I'm a big time heavy breather at night.

dcrmom said...

LOL! I just can't handle snoring. Fortunately my husband snores only rarely, and a polite nudge gets him to turn over and stop. But my DAD. He's like a freight train. You can LITERALLY hear him throughout the house when he's hear. OMG.