Sunday, June 24, 2007

I am SO not ready for this!

So I'm sitting on the bed this afternoon, clipping coupons and minding my own business. I was watching Adoption Story on the DVR, and Pooh and Tink came in and started watching with me. I figured it might be a nice conversation starter if they had any questions about being adopted.


Here's a brief synopsis of the conversation:

Tink: Oh, she's so sad! She's the Mom, but she had to give her baby away?

Me: (Simple yet wonderfully profound yet vague explanation) Blah blah blah teenager, blah blah blah married, blah blah blah God, blah blah blah (I hope I'm not scarring you for life or being politically incorrect, but who really cares if I'm politically incorrect, except I hope I'm not being insensitive to the plight of birth mothers...ACK!)

Tink: So she did what God wanted her to do?

Me: Wait...what?

Tink: Well, since she wasn't married, she did the right thing and gave the baby to a Mommy and Daddy who are married?

Me: Well, not always...I mean...blah blah blah...sometimes people who aren't married...uhm, I mean...blah blah blah...not everyone...ACK!

Please note that Big Daddy was in the room but seemingly engrossed in the computer. Pooh participated in the conversation too, but Tink quickly assumed the role of Lead Interrogator.

Tink: So then why did God put the baby in her tummy if she wasn't married?

Me: (Oh crap, here it comes!) Well, God meant for us to...when a Mommy and Daddy get married...except sometimes people don't wait...sometimes teenagers do things only Mommies and Daddies are supposed to do, and that makes a baby. Do you remember when you asked me how the babies get out of the tummy?

Pooh: (whispering) They come out...down there.

Tink: (not whispering) FROM OUR PRIVATES!!!!

Me: Right. So blah blah blah egg...blah blah Daddy...sperm...tadpole...(please don't ask me how it gets in there, please don't ask me how it gets in there, I can Google sperm and show it to her, but I don't want to tell her how it gets in there! I can't do this, PLEEEEEAAAASE) and God makes the baby start growing inside the Mommy.

Tink: Huh. Can I watch Kim Possible now?

Me: You bet your sweet ass you can!**

So later I ask Big Daddy: Did you hear what was going on over there?

BD: Yeah. Good job.

Me: Man, I kept looking your way, and you didn't blink, you didn't glance, you were like a Bubble Shooter computer-game-playing stone! Couldn't you at least give a girl a thumbs up or a grin or cut your eyes or something? Throw me a bone, man!

BD: Yeah. I was afraid if I made any sudden moves, she might start asking me questions, too.

Way to be there for me, Babe!

** I did not say "sweet ass" to my 6-year-old. But I sure thought it.


jtcosby said...

That so sounds like something my husband would have done! HA HA! A friend of mine recommends "Passport to Purity" for the "talk" says all of the words for you and that way you don't have to do anything but field go on an overnight together and listen to the audio and then discuss...make it a big fun event...and she said it was INCREDIBLY easier than she expected!!! ;)

SHELLY said...

Not bad for a starter conversation, I think you did a GREAT job... better than I would do. They lost me at the PRIVATE parts.

dcrmom said...

LMAO! That's a great story. Good job. GACK!

Too Blessed to be Stressed said...

I'm not ready for these questions either =)
So far they have been happy with mommy and daddy make them!

My husband would have done the same thing!!! Men;)


Jennifer said...

Just wait till the really fun questions begin!!! LOL! Thankfully, I've never had a problem with openly discussing these types of things - has a lot to do with the way I was raised. With the boy, hubby and I have had no problems explaining everything to him together. He's 13, so he knows most of it now. I'm praying hubby will be as comfortable with the girl when the time comes too. I guess I just don't get embarrassed very easily, and have no problems answering the questions, but I know I'm not the "norm" in that area. I am thankful though!

Sounds like you did just fine even though you weren't prepared! I know there are several good books out there. There is a christian series that has several books that each are based on a different age range. They are supposed to be very good - unfortunately, I can't think of the name at the moment!

Kelley said...

Those conversations sure can sneak up on a Mommy sometimes!

I remember my oldest son was watching Family Feud one day when he was about 7 or 8. Safe show, right, FAMILY Feud?!

The question was, "Name something that doesn't work if it has a hole in it." The next thing I know, my sweet, innocent little boy is asking me, "Mom what's a condom?"

ACK! SOOO not ready for that one! It was defnintely skipping a few steps in our "sex talk" process.

Kristen said...

Spitting Diet Dr. Pepper out my nose!

My husband does that same thing.

You did great

Linda said...

Lovely! LOL. You did great!! Nice blog!!