Decisions and Dreams

Big Daddy and I have been dancing with a decision for several months now; whether or not to homeschool one or all of our children. I won't go into all the pros and cons in this post, but I will hit the big ones:

Pros:

• Everything every homeschooler says. I believe it all, so I won't go over it again.
• Pooh needs more structure and consistency than she gets in public or would get in private school. Socially and behaviorally, not academically.

Cons:

• I'm afraid I will do a bad job.
• Pooh has a hard time believing that I know more than her. She will believe a teacher or the television, but not so much me.

So, Saturday night I had this dream. Please leave your judgments at the door and remember this is a dream. In my dream, I don't think I was married. No Big Daddy. So I wasn't cheating.

I met two different men, both of whom I had a connection with and were interested in me.

Guy number one was a sincerely good Christian. Just a wonderful guy.

Guy number two was trying to be a good Christian, and had good intentions. I was impressed with the fact that he was imperfect, but trying to improve. This was the guy my friend wanted me to choose, because she was interested in his friend.

I was agonizing over this decision; Who to choose? Who to choose? I just couldn't decide.

Usually I forget my dreams really quickly, but a lot of this one stayed with me. One part that is still really vivid is this: While I was spending time with one of the guys, we came to the top of a waterfall. It looked like flowing silver or ribbons or something really smooth, rather than scary, raging water. Y'all, I am usually such a fraidy cat, especially about water, but we walked to the top of that waterfall, holding hands, and I just jumped. And we surfed on our bottoms down that waterfall. I can't stand water in my face, but my face never went under water. I was just amazed at how wonderful and peaceful and easy it was.

I woke up from the dream feeling warm and fuzzy. I thought it was from the feeling of having people really like me.

I carried the dream around with me all morning, and finally on the way to church, decided to tell BD about it. That was weird, cause I didn't want him to think the whole "guy" thing meant I wanted someone else. Because I don't. At all. Ever. But he wasn't fazed by it at all. And I explained to him that the point of the dream, to me, was the decision-making. And at the same time, he and I looked at each other, and went,

DUH! Homeschooling!

So now I knew what in my subconscious caused the dream, but still didn't know what the answer was. Later on in the day, I remembered to tell BD about the waterfall, and again,

DUH! Don't be afraid of it! It won't be as scary as you think.

So, oh my goodness, God actually gave me this wonderful dream that made me feel loved and valued and also adventurous and safe, and oh my goodness...

I think I'm gonna homeschool one of my kids. ACK!