Monday, July 28, 2008

The one where Pixar ruins her fun

Humpteen years ago, in like 2002, Big Daddy and I decided that we HAD TO HAVE a hot tub. However, after shopping for hot tubs we were all, "HUH UH! That costs more than a whole trip to Las Vegas! Hey, let's go to Vegas!"

And so we went to Vegas. We didn't have any kids, our bills were low and we were making beaucoup money at the time.

We went to Vegas a lot.

Let's pause for a moment of silence in memory of those days.

Aaaaand let's try to get back on track.

So I was at a garage sale one Saturday morning when I saw a cute pink hot tub. Yes, it was cute. Shut up. It was $100, so I bought it. Didn't know if it worked, but I bought it anyway. And Big Daddy had to go put it in his LITTLE BITTY pickup and bring it home. It was very cute.

And the cute pink hot tub sat on the side of my house for few weeks, and finally our very best friend James said, "Hey, if you don't wanna mess with that hot tub, I'll give ya mine. We don't use it."


So the guys got a flatbed trailer from work, and 4 of 'em went and moved that big blue hot tub from James' house to ours. It's bigger than the cute pink one. It's so big they had to take the fence down on the side of our house just to get it in the back yard.

Where it sat for I Don't Know How Long.

Oh and Mr. Bob from next door bought the cute pink one from us, paid an electrician to hook it up, and it blew up the first time he tried to use it.

We gave him a refund.

Meanwhile, James' big blue hot tub sat in my back yard. We paid an electrician to hook it up, and it worked. We built a deck to put it on, and we bought a cover for it.

But we never filled it up and used it. We are obviously fools.

Then in 2004 James passed away, and I vowed never to let the big blue hot tub go. Because I am sentimental like that.

But we still never used it. For those of you keeping score, it's been in my back yard for over 5 years.

So finally, now we're re-doing our patio and thought we'd better make sure the hot tub still works, and maybe, OH I DON'T KNOW, USE IT.

Which brings us to today, dear reader.

Big Daddy opened up the hot tub to clean it, and there's a colony of ants living in it. BIG ONES. Very ambitious and hard workers, too. We're spraying 'em down and they're climbing back up, and we're spraying 'em down and they're climbing back up. Of course, we're just using water, cause getting into a hot tub with eau de ant spray is not my idea of relaxation.

So we're fighting the Hot Tub Battle with a high-pressure water sprayer and a wet-vac. Just barely winning. And all I can think of is movies like A Bug's Life and Antz, and wonder what the little bitty guys are talking about as I knock 'em back down into the pool of despair.

"Here comes another wave! Run, save yourself!"
"I'm not leaving you behind!"

It's disconcerting, is what it is. Thanks a bunch, Pixar, y'all fun ruiners.

So I came inside to write about it while Big Daddy finished up the job. He just came in and said, "When I filled it up and turned on the jets, black clouds of ants shot out of the jets."

I said, "Was it cool?"

"Yeah." I bet he doesn't care what those little guys are thinking. And neither will I once our Saharan summer ends and I sit out there in James' big blue hot tub.


binks said...

ROFL - oh you made me cry that was so funny.
Pixar or not, little bug massacres make me happy.
I hate bugs & we got lots down here in the swamp!

Christine said...

Oh, I just got the heebee jeebees...

Amy @ Experience Imagination said...

Let me get this straight ... you've had a hot tub, installed, in your back yard for FIVE YEARS and you never used it???

I take back everything I've said--you are crazy!

beckyjomama said...

I got the itchies just thinking about it!!!

And a hot tub for FIVE YEARS ... sitting there, doin' NOTHING?!?!?!

Girl, what are you thinking?

Jennifer said...

I agree...maybe you are crazy after all. I'd LOVE to have a hot tub, and I'd be using it ALL.THE.TIME!!! But I hope you are finally going to get some use out of it. The ant story is too funny, and I can totally relate.