Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Works For Me Wednesday - Fixing Myself

Y’all, I am a control freak. And I am also sensitive. And perhaps moody. And that’s just scratching the surface. Imagine being married to me.

Big Daddy and I have been married for over ten years, and I spent at least nine of those years trying to fix him. Then I repented.

BD and I were raised very differently; I was taught to be independent and take care of myself, and he was taught…well, nothing. And he’ll tell you that himself, so I’m not criticizing him. It’s just the truth. He was raised by wolves. When we met, I had been single and self-sufficient and on my own for several years, and he was…not so much.

So from the beginning, I handled the “business” of our lives, and he provided the muscle. Which led to me sort of “wearing the pants.” I'm not much of a nagger or griper, but here’s the problem: I gave my husband my opinion about his actions and clothes and his job and just about everything. I usually did it sweetly, but I did it way too much.

But did I mention I repented?

About a year ago, one Sunday we were on the way to church, and a radio preacher said, “Ladies, stop trying to fix your husbands. That’s God’s job.” That same morning our pastor taught about changing our own hearts and habits rather than focusing on others’ faults. You know how you can hear something 100 times, but suddenly one day your heart is ready to receive it? That was the day.

So what Works For Me now is this. I’m gonna let my husband worry about whether he’s being the man God wants him to be. My husband does not need me telling him how to act or talk or mow the yard or load the dishwasher. My husband needs me to support him and love him and help him and laugh with him and pray for him and…you get the idea.

So Big Daddy got his pants back, and that Works For Me. And by the way, IT REALLY WORKS FOR HIM!

Now, get on over to Shannon’s and check out today's tips. Cause I'm bossy like that.


Jenny said...

This sounds all too familiar to me. I have similar tendencies that I am also trying to work on. I have more than enough work to do on myself than to worry about pestering my husband. :)

Barbara H. said...

Good thoughts. I read on some of Elizabeth Elliot's writings that most wives admire and agree with about 80% of what their husbands say and do, yet spend most of their time and thought and comments on the 20% they have a problem with. That helped put things in perspective for me. That and those verses about longsuffering and forbearing which I have to keep re-reading. :)

sara - The Estrogen Files said...

ROTFL! Love it "got his pants back". I'm a controlling type, too, and had to learn to let him be himself. Taking care of him to an extent, but still letting him take care of everything else. I married a man, after all! Great tip. I also LOVE your header!

Anonymous said...

Great post! I am trying to be careful not to be too bossy myself. You might enjoy my post "How to Rot Your Husband's Bones" (if you go to my website it's on the sidebar under Favorites). It's mostly inspired by all the mistakes I made when we were first married.

Fiddledeedee (It Coulda' Been Worse) said...

"Raised by wolves." You are funny! And yep, you're right. I learned those basic truths about men after reading "Men Are From Mars" way back before I got hitched. Saved us! :)

jtcosby said...

I have no idea how God works...I just know He does. I am REALLY struggling with this subject. I am feeling UNLOVED (no affection, no attention...he is a good husband/provider). I am miserable and don't know what to do I appreciate this...I just don't know what to do about it...praying...and hoping for a miracle...