Kids, kids, kids

A few days ago, Tink and I were talking about public school versus homeschooling, and the rules and routines of both.

I said to her, "When your teacher gave you an assignment, you had to sit and do it without getting up or talking, right? You couldn't just get up and walk around the classroom, could you?"

And Tink said, "Well, we got one reminder."

And duh, the light bulb went off over my head. That's her modus operandi. Waiting for the one reminder. And not just her, but all three of my darlings.

What I mean is this. They disobey until I tell them to obey. They're not awful or horrible, but they know exactly how long they can misbehave - until I say something.

Clothes are left in the bathroom floor until I tell them to pick 'em up.
Dishes are in the sink until I remind someone to put 'em in the dishwasher.
Bed is unmade until I remind 'em to make it.
Shoes are in the floor until I remind 'em to put them away.
They're noisy in the car until I tell 'em to stop playing.
They say Yeah until I remind them to say Yes ma'am.
They scrape toys on the furniture until I tell them to stop.

You get the idea.

Y'all, we have rules for EVERY ONE OF THESE AREAS. And nobody follows the rules until I give them "one reminder."

And I am such a ditz that I just realized it.

I'm slow like that.

I used to think, "Hey, what's the big deal? It doesn't bother me to remind someone to do their chores. At least they do it." Yeah, I'm over that. It bothers me.

So we went to Zero Tolerance yesterday and the kiddos, they are not taking it well.

Clothes on my bathroom floor? Consequence.
Dishes in the sink? Consequence.
Bed unmade? Consequence.
Shoes in the floor? Consequence.
Noisy in the car? Consequence.
Say yeah to an adult? Consequence.
Scrape toys on the furniture? Consequence.

It's exhausting, y'all, and I ran out of consequences long ago. But then my good friend Kristin reminded me today about Chore Charts.

Now I'm a big fan of charts, but I'm NOT GOOD AT ALL at being consistent. But I think I'd better GET consistent, or things are gonna get ugly up in here.

What about you? Are you consistent or do you lose focus without realizing it? What's the method that works best for you in maintaining some order and consistency in your home?

How many more times can I say consistent?

Please. Share your wisdom with the Queen of Dirty Laundry.

The Food Experience Meme

I saw this meme over at A Day In The Life of Binks, and since I'm trying DESPERATELY to post more often, I copied and pasted this sucker in a flash. I'm tellin' ya right now that I haven't even heard of some of these food items; in fact I'm not even sure they ARE food. But here goes...

The Food Experience Meme

Have you ever tried:

Venison? Yes. Not a fan.
Nettle tea? Absolutely not.
Huevos rancheros? YES!
Steak tartare? No
Crocodile? Nope, but I've tried gator.
Black pudding? Never heard of it.
Cheese fondue? I've never had ANY fondue. Aren't I deprived?
Carp? Maybe; I'm not sure.
Borscht? No
Baba ghanoush? No
Calamari? Yes
Pho? Yep.
PB&J sandwich? Yes, but I prefer my PB without jelly.
Aloo gobi? No clue, dude.
Hot dog from a street cart? Yes, if the cart in front of Home Depot counts.
Epoisses? Huh?
Black truffle? Nope
Fruit wine made from something other than grapes? Does this include Boone's Farm?
Steamed pork buns? I don't think so.
Pistachio ice cream? Oh yeah.
Heirloom tomatoes? I don't think so.
Fresh wild berries? Dewberries when I was a kid.
Foie gras? Negatory.
Rice and beans? Oh yeah.
Brawn, or head cheese? No way on earth.
Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper? No, but Big Daddy has.
Dulce de leche? I think so.
Oysters? Only fried. I've never been able to eat a raw one.
Baklava? Yes.
Bagna cauda? I'm pretty sure not.
Wasabi peas? Yup.
Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl? No sourdough bowl.
Salted lassi??
Sauerkraut? Just this week, baby.
Root beer float? Probably, but I'm not a fan.
Cognac with a fat cigar? I may have had cognac, but I didn't know what it was. Cigar? Not that I recall.
Clotted cream tea? Huh?
Vodka jelly/Jell-O? Nope. But maraschinos soaked in vodka? Why yes.
Gumbo? Yes ma'am.
Oxtail? Oh no ma'am.
Curried goat? N-O, No.
Whole insects? Not on purpose.
Phaal? I'm stumped on this one.
Goat's milk? I hope not.
Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$130 or more? Possibly.
Fugu? Again with the ignorance.
Chicken tikka masala? Huh uh.
Eel? Nope.
Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut? Oh yeah, baby.
Sea urchin? Nope.
Prickly pear? Nope
Umeboshi? Not that I'm aware of.
Abalone? No?
Paneer? Wow, how uninitiated is my palate?
McDonald's Big Mac Meal? Probably, but not in many years.
Spaetzle? No again.
Dirty gin martini? Nein.
Beer above 8% ABV? I don't even know what that means, but I HATE beer.
Poutine? No clue.
Carob chips? Finally a yes.
S'mores? Affirmative.
Sweetbreads? Absolutely not.
Kaolin? NO.
Currywurst? How many ways can I say NO?
Durian? No clue.
Frogs' legs? YES!
Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake? Churros and funnel cake!
Haggis? Hell to the no.
Fried plantain? Nope.
Chitterlings? Absolutely positively NO.
Gazpacho? Yes.
Caviar and blini? Caviar, yes. Blini? I don't even know what that is. Cause I'm a clod.
Louche absinthe? Nope.
Gjetost, or brunost? Is someone just making up words here?
Roadkill? Give me a break. Oh, wait! My friend's dad hit a deer, and that's why I answered YES to venison. Does that mean I've eaten roadkill? GAH!
Baijiu? No.
Hostess Fruit Pie? Yes. But I only like pineapple or strawberry.
Snail? Nope.
Lapsang souchong??
Bellini? Fruity = good.
Tom yum? When will this end?
Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant? No.
Kobe beef? No.
Hare? I think not.
Goulash? Yes.
Flowers? Uh no.
Horse? My heavens, I hope not.
Criollo chocolate? It's possible.
Spam? Yes.
Soft shell crab? Do they serve that at Red Lobster or Catfish Sam's?
Rose harissa? nope.
Catfish? Absolutely and positively YES.
Mole poblano? Yes, in a little village in the mountains of Mexico. At a wedding.
Bagel and lox? Nope.
Lobster Thermidor? Nope.
Polenta?do Yes.
Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee? Probably not.
Snake? Nope.

Goodness, y'all, this was a much longer list than I expected. I just went back and counted, and there are 99 items up there! I don't know how many I answered yes to, because I kept on losing my place. I'm apparently overtaken with the ditzy tonight.

Hey, why don't you tell me the weirdest thing, on this list, that you've ever eaten. And if you decide to play along at your blog, feel free to edit the list.

The Best Sunday Ever

Hey, I've been wanting to tell y'all about Sunday but I just have had the hardest time putting my thoughts together. But I don't wanna forget everything, so here's a Not Put Together post about the Reception/Reunion that I went to on Sunday.

When we last heard from our heroine, she was anxious about People From Her Past seeing her at her current weight of A Gazillion. Hey, guess what? Nobody said, "OMG Lori, you're so FAT!" It was fine. In fact, a few people even told me I looked YOUNG. So Praise God on that.

Now that we've got that issue out of the way, let me back up. This reception on Sunday was for my former pastor, to celebrate 60 YEARS IN THE MINISTRY. That's right, y'all. Pastor Jimmy Hester has been in the ministry for 60 years. He's been a missionary in Africa and Italy, pastored several churches, the last (and best) one being Arlington Christian Center, in Arlington, Texas. Since his "retirement" he's concentrated on evangelism and raising support for missionaries around the world.

He rocks.

This man, y'all. He supported me and stood by me in the darkest hours of my life, and when I didn't know which way to turn, he showed me. He stood there in his office and said, "Lori, we'll take care of you." At a time when my own parents didn't know how to support me, this man said, "Here's what we're gonna do." And he took care of me.

Deep breath. I adore this man.

So anyway. Sunday. Reception. It was awesome. It was like a High School Reunion, but where everyone liked you. It was a whirlwind of hugs and tears and interruptions and Oh My Goodness and it was fabulous.

Oh, I saw people I love so much but haven't seen in YEARS, just YEARS and had no hope of ever seeing them again. And I saw them and I talked to them and I hugged them and I may not be making sense, but OH I'm so happy.

And I could go on and on and on but you'd be bored and it wouldn't make much sense, so I'm just gonna give a shout-out to all my long-lost friends and thank my bloggy friends for readin' my ramblings.

Y'all rock.

Miss Crankypants, Live and In Person

Hey, guess what.

I'm oh, so cranky tonight. I fought the cranky most of the day, but now I'm just so crotchety that my jaw is hurting.

What does cranky have to do with my jaw? I don't know, but my jaw hurts, so there.

Here's my cranky list:

I lost my good wireless mouse. The cheap one I got for next to nothing that falls apart occasionally but works like a charm.

I hate my other wireless mouse, a lovely Microsoft junker that flashes and works sporadically. Jerk.

Bear has dadgum fleas that we CAN NOT get rid of. And oh yeah, he's allergic to them so he bites and licks all the DADGUM time. ALL THE TIME. I'm slowly going insane from the sound.

Oh yeah, and my darling Bear has also decided that his favorite place to sleep is on my pillow. Which wouldn't be so bad, cause AW, but he walks back and forth across my hair multiple times PER HOUR. Every night. Good times.

Two of my girls are standing here staring at me, RIGHT NOW. It's their new favorite thing to do. Just stand in my bedroom and watch me. Creeps me out, y'all.

I have to go to an event tomorrow where I will see MANY people that I've known forever, most of whom haven't seen me at my current weight of A GAZILLION. I'm nervous.

I didn't get any $7 kids' jeans at Old Navy today because the first store I tried to go to HAD MOVED, and the second one looked like a circus so we fled. Tried online, but OUT OF STOCK. Wah.

I want some chocolate. Specifically, Good Chocolate. Anything from Hershey's on up. The leftover Easter chocolate just won't do. Those ChocoMallows in the kitchen are calling my name, though. That's not gonna help those Gazillion Pounds, yo.

I think I'm gonna have a yummy Advocare Snack Bar and call it a night, y'all.

Tomorrow's gotta be better.

How do you watch the Olympics?

So guess what we've been watching on TV? You guessed it - the Olympics. How about you?

We were just watching an American Men's Volleyball game and as they won, I watched a woman in the crowd cheering, just shocked with happiness. She was jumping, holding her hand over her mouth, thrilled. But she looked surprised, as if she couldn't believe the great news.

Which made me wonder - Is she really surprised? She's obviously a fan of the American Team. Did she think they'd lose?

And so on and so on. I obviously think way too much about things that probably don't matter.

So then I started thinking, What's my attitude when I watch the Olympics, or any sport, for that matter? Here's what I realized. When I watch a sporting event or contest where I'm rooting for a specific person or team, I love it when they're winning but fear that they'll lose.

I don't even know what "rooting for" a team means, because what I do is hope and hope and hope and hope. And worry and worry and worry and worry. And hope nothing bad happens.

Don't you think that's weird?

What's going through your mind when you watch sports? I'm curious.

It's too early for me to make sense.

Dadgummit, it's 4:30 in the a.m.

And here's why.

I am woken up from a sort-of-nice but way too hard to explain dream, by a whining dog. Thinking that said dog needs to go outside to potty, I tell him, "Good boy, Bear!" and let him out. Noticing that he stops right outside the back door to drink from the outside water bowl, I wonder if there's water inside.

Why no, there's not. Thanks for checking.

I contemplate waking Daughter Number One, as watering the dogs is her job, and if I'm up at 4 in the a.m., shouldn't she be too?

Please note that I did not wake Daughter Number One, mostly because I didn't feel like dealing with Zombie Princess from Sleepy Town.

While checking the dogs' water, I see dog poopy in the living room. Thank goodness I didn't step in it.

Can't pick up the poopy yet cause I'm about to tinkle in my very own drawers, so I high-tail it back to my bathroom.

Ahhhhhhh.

NOW I go back to pick up the dog poopy, which I somehow feel is Daughter Number One's fault, since she's the reason I had to get up at 4-something because My Darling Bear was thirsty.

OH! I almost forgot because I'm half asleep. I'm dying of thirst so I open the refrigerator to get a swig of Diet DP, and guess what! Fridge is not running.

Lovely.

Fortunately, I know the trick - the GFCI (or GCFI or GIFC or whatever) switch in the kitchen has kicked off AGAIN, and all I have to do is reset it. At 4 in the a.m.

So I take a moment to wonder if God had Wonder Dog wake me up at just so I could turn the fridge back on. But that thought-process becomes way too philosophical way too quickly, so I just get out the laptop to write about it instead.

While Bear sleeps on my pillow.

Where I should be.

I'm gonna go kick him off now.

A New Day

So Big Daddy and I are making some big changes in our lives in the areas of self-discipline, health and financial freedom.

We're Advocare Distributors and are ridiculously excited about the opportunities ahead of us.

And since some days that's all I talk or think about I decided I'd better move most of the Advocare talk to a sister blog, aptly entitled Changing Our Lives.

I'll remind you sometimes that I'm posting over there, and I'll try to remember to post links in my sidebar.

Come check it out!

She's finally writing a real post.

So you may have heard that one week ago today I headed for Shawnee, Oklee-Homa, to meet up with my good friend Kristin, the Redneck Diva.

Y'all, I am such a big freaking freak. I couldn't decide what car to take. drive my mini-van? rent a cute SUV? borrow Mom's SUV? I changed my mind at least 5 times in 2 days. I was driving myself crazy, and you don't even wanna know how sick of me my family was.

But. I finally left town last Saturday in my Mom's Trailblazer. Except. The seat belt hung up and I skinned my knuckles trying to get that son of a gun fixed. I finally ended up driving all the way to OK with only a lap belt on, and the shoulder part behind me. I believe that my guardian angels blinded the eyes of those Texas State Troopers and their Oklahoma equivalents. Whew.

After stopping at the OK Visitors Center to potty and pick up a State Map (cause that's how I roll), I finally made it to Shawnee and LaQuinta and KRISTIN!

Oh y'all, we had the best time, and for details you should go read the wonderful post she wrote while we were sitting in the hotel room.

Cause my homegirl doesn't wait a whole entire week before she writes the blog post, unlike my procrastinatin' self.

My Reader's Digest Version is this:

We talked.
We snacked.
We gambled.
We slept.
We talked to and texted the husbands A Lot.
And oh, how we laughed.

It was just what I needed.

People, this was the first time I've left my entire family and gallivanted off by myself. This was the first time I've driven more than 100 miles since I met Big Daddy 12+ years ago. Now, when I was single I ran the roads all over Texas and sometimes Oklahoma. But as Big Daddy put it, "You were a lot younger then."

Yeah, he went there.

BD worried about me, Tink worried about me, but you know what? That rest was just what the doctor ordered. And Kristin was just as sweet and funny and just plain wonderful in person as she's been online and over the phone for all this time.

I big puffy pink heart her.

I may have to sew her mouth shut.

Big Daddy: Scooter, you’re a booger head.

Scooter: No, I’m a butt head!

Stunned looks all around.

Scooter: I heard that on Big Daddy Goes To Camp!

We’re still speechless. And I'm wondering what BD let 'em watch while I was out of town!

Scooter: But should I shouldn’t say that?

Me: Riiiight. You shouldn’t say that.

Scooter: Yes ma’am.

Dirty Laundry Family Feud

Y'all. Have I mentioned that we watch Celebrity Family Feud with the kids sometimes? I think I have.

Here's the latest:

Al Roker: Name something that some people do too fast.

Scooter: Toot. Tooting.

The rest of us: Laughing uncontrollably.

Scooter: Well they do. Boys, they're tooting all the time.

I need to get us on that show, y'all.

Again with the crossing of the fingers...

Hey, guys. 5 Minutes for Mom is at it again, this time with their Back to School Giveaway. There's a giveaway for every day of the week, and oh my, are the goodies great!

Go check it out RIGHT NOW and throw your name in the hat for your favorite prizes.

Good luck!

This is the Life

So I'm in Shawnee, Oklahoma, with my favorite Oklahoman. I'm so relaxed I may be catatonic.

We got here late yesterday afternoon, and here's how we've spent our time so far:

10% talking to the husbands on cell phone while laptopping
5% out to dinner
5% gambling at the Indian Casino
25% sleeping
30% talking while laptopping
25% laughing while laptopping

Y'all, we talked until 3:00 this morning and were awake at 8:00. Dang hotel beds. BUT, I don't think I sat up until 10:00, didn't shower until 12:00, and so far we haven't left the room.

It's just what I needed.