Babies on the brain

A few months after we adopted our girls, we closed our file with the foster/adoption agency who licensed us. We had some personal issues that prevented us from completing the classes that were necessary for licensing, and we really felt like we were through with fostering and adopting.

Fast forward several months, and our good friends begin classes to become licensed for foster adoption through the same agency that licensed us. In order to be able to provide child care for our friends, BD and I decided to become licensed to do respite care. There are fewer classes involved, and no home study. Plus then we could provide respite care for others, while also creating a tiny income source for me. Since my current "employer" seems hesitant to pay me. Which is another post.

I was envious when our friends began getting placement calls, and I was confused and unsettled by this. I was even more surprised by the fact that Big Daddy was starting to feel some little tuggings, too. BD and I had agreed that our family is complete, and that God would have to write it on our shower curtain if he wanted us to take in more children on a long-term or temporary basis.

We don't know how it would affect our girls if we added more children, especially on a revolving-door basis. I don't want them to have constant reminders of where they came from. I want them to have the same life as the kid next door, except they happen to be adopted. I don't want "ADOPTED FROM FOSTER CARE" to be their label. I want it to be a small part of their heritage, not all of it. Does that make sense?

So our friends' first placement is a newborn, teeny, beautiful baby girl. And I am in love. And I need one. And I am addicted to her. I DO NOT know what to do. BD DOES NOT know what to do. Our friend had to knock him out to get the baby away from him Saturday night.

Fortunately, God knows what we are supposed to do, and all we have to do is figure out how to hear him instead of our hormones.