Queen of Dirty Laundry

The Pioneer Woman on Food Network!

2011-08-27T11:08:00.005-06:00

Y'all, I've been reading The Pioneer Woman's blog for over 4 years. The first thing I remember reading is the recipe for this sandwich. And I cooked it. And we loved it. Over the years I've cooked many more of Ree's recipes, and let me tell you - they are AWESOME.

I don't read as many blogs as I used to, but I never miss a Pioneer Woman post. I've read about her kids, her dogs, calf nuts, book tours and her husband's chaps. At the risk of sounding like a stalker, I feel like I know this woman.

So last fall when Ree did Showdown with Bobby Flay? You know I DVRd it. And watched a thousand times, pausing to explain to Paul who each and every person was. Paul was thrilled. Well, I was seriously thrilled, because this chick? Who I know? Sort of? Was on the TV! That's like one degree of separation, except for the minor detail that she doesn't know I exist. But still.

Now you can imagine my excitement when I heard that Ree was doing a REAL show on Food Network, just like Miss Paula Deen!

Hey, guess what? I'm about to get to my point.

The Pioneer Woman premiered (I think it was the premier) this morning! And don't you know that I watched it. And loved it.

This is not your average cooking show. I mean, I'm sure the exact recipes are on the Food Network site, but here, Ree just lives her ranch life with an emphasis on cooking. On today's episode she made Chicken Fried Steak, etc., for dinner and Breakfast Sandwiches for - you guessed it - breakfast. And there were lots of kids and dogs and cowboys and cows...y'all, I absolutely love this show.

It's a hard one to explain, so just do yourself a favor - watch it. It's scheduled for 10:30 CT Saturday mornings, but I imagine it replays throughout the week. Check Food Network for showtimes.

Memorial Day Report-A-Thon

2011-05-30T06:41:00.004-06:00

I haven't much to report, but in the interest of keeping this here blob current, I present to you some randomness:

I sincerely honor all of our servicemen and -women who have given their lives so that we may live in a free country.

In honor of the holiday eve, Court, Mag and I watched Shrek Forever After yesterday - two and one half times - while Big Daddy took Ab to the Rangers game. Where the Rangers won. Go Team!

I need a new header for my blog DESPERATELY. I'm working up the courage to tackle a tutorial and learn how to make myself a new one.

I am such a sewing sewer lately that it's scaring me. And making me happy. Latest projects include Easter skirts, cute kiddie art kits and hemming all of my girls' cut-offs. Well, not all. There a few still in the To Do Stack, and a few of them we left all fringy. Fringie? I dunno.

My next sewing projects will probably be shirts for Buddy (the Chihuahua we rescued but I haven't blogged about), purses for Court and Mag and maybe some organizing type things for myself.

Cause you know you were totally wondering.

Good movies on the TV this holiday weekend! Better go find me some and hunker back down in bed because it is totally too early to be up on a holiday.

Eight Years Old!

2011-05-20T14:46:00.005-06:00

Y'all, my baby is turning eight today.

It's unreal.

She's growing up and staying a baby all at the same time, and it's killin' me! I don't have baby pictures on this computer (a separate hard drive is on my wish list), but here are some of the almost-eight-year-old:

We cut her hair a few months ago, for the first time in about 4 years. I absolutely LOVE the way her little bob looks, but then when I see photos of her with long hair it makes me a bit melancholy.

I'm fickle like that.

Maggie is an artist and a songwriter and Oh, so emotional. Even as I'm typing this post, she's singing an original song - most of them are original. And they

go on forever. They start out beautiful and poignant and heart-grabbing, and then after about 5 minutes it's like, "Dude, you're no Don McLean and this ain't American Pie." I'm a lovely Mom, huh?

I'm sure time will refine that.

I'm sure of it.

So Happy Birthday, my sweet Maggie Mae! Mommy loves you more than she ever knew she could!

15 Months

2011-05-10T00:27:00.008-06:00

Fifteen Months!

That's right, I haven't posted on this here blog in fifteen whole months. But I'm thinking that's about to change. We'll see.

So let's see if I can bring you up to date.

Milestones? We lost both of our beloved dogs, Bear and Buster last year. Bear was 16 and Buster was 15. It sucked.

After we lost Buster in January, we also lost our dadgum minds and drove 100 miles to buy a puppy that was advertised as a Dachshund/Beagle mix just like Buster. We named him BJ and enjoyed him oh, so much. Until his legs got longer than mine. Uhm...neither Dachshund nor Beagle, and WAY too big for my dainty girls and our other dogs.

That's right, dogs. Because while we were wild with grief, we also rescued Princess, a Pom/Yorkie mix who was pregnant.

Bear was not amused.

Princess had those adorable puppies on March 30 of last year, and we named them Smoke, Choco and Daisy. The birth experience? Requires a story of its own. Dang, I wish I'd been blogging back then.

For those of you keeping count, that brought our canine total to SIX. Bear, BJ, Princess and 3 pups. We were rebels in violation of city ordinances.

BJ was the sweetest boy but just terrorizing everyone in the house, and we eventually found him a home with a Doberman rescue guy. The guy was a little off, but absolutely spoiled and doted on all of his Dobermans (Dobermen?) so we felt great about sending BJ off to his new home.

One of the puppies went to live with my cousins, making us legal here in our city.

And then in September my sweet Bear left us. Y'all, I had Bear longer than Big Daddy. But he couldn't stand or walk very well any more and he was just ready to move on. It was one of the most difficult experiences in my life.

And that's all I have to say about that.

My girls are all awesome and think they're grown and have crushes and are such young ladies these days. I'll post pictures soon. I'm still homeschooling but we're planning on attending a Charter School in the fall. It will be quite a transition for them all and I'm trying to be more structured here to prepare them.

Pray for them. And me.

Nine paragraphs on my dogs and one one my kiddos. Clearly I have some catching up to do on the girlies.

And on that note, I'm gonna go to sleep so I can get up in 3 hours to feed these crazy dogs and take them outside. Because the minute the alarm goes off they start licking my face and won't stop. No snoozing for me these days, my friends.

Later.

American Idol - Top 12 Girls Compete

2010-02-23T21:05:00.004-06:00

Hey, look at me! I'm writing a blog post!

I know, I suck at blogging these days, huh?

Let's see how I can do at blogging American Idol.

Paige Miles - Started out good, but I think she junked it up in the chorus.

Ashley Rodriguez - Pitchy.

Janell Wheeler - I like her voice,b ut was underimpressed at the performance overall.

Lilly Scott - Dang, she lived in her car, y'all! I wish she had just a little bit of color in her hair tho. She's not really my cup of tea, but I think she did the best just so far.

Katelyn Epperly - Love the hair. And her performance was good. Not great, but very good. I may be having a problem with the sound or the arrangements or something tonight; not sure.

Haeley Vaughn - She really put her own spin on such a well-known song. Good job.

Lacey Brown - I totally want her hair. Totally. Plus - TEXAS! Not feelin' the song, though. I sorta like it and I sorta don't. But have I mentioned that I love her hair? Cause I DO.

Michelle Delamor - Meh.

Didi Something - Man, I like this girl's voice, but so many of these songs tonight are not my thing. That is all.

Siobhan Magness - Like her.

Krysal Bowersox - Hey I know I misspelled er name bu some of my keys ae sopped working. EEK. Wa's weird is a ey work eery were bu Blogger.

I qui+

So hey, I guess I didn't have much to say after all. But I'm puttin' it out there nonetheless. See ya tomorrow night for the boys.

Sayonara.

Loral Langmeier Scam

2010-01-16T21:02:00.003-06:00

So yesterday I mentioned that I was less than happy with the Loral Langmeier organization, and I bet you don't even know who that is, huh?

Raise your hand if you know who that is.

Anyway.

Back in December, while riding in the car one night, Big Daddy and I were listening to talk radio and heard a lady who was very inspirational, very motivational, very Get Your Butt In Gear, etc. She was offering a free book, which you and I know is never really free, but I called the 800 number to get the details.

The operator assured me that the book was, in fact, free, but that we would have to pay for shipping. I was fine with that.

Oh, and you also get a free month of Loral's magnificent online community, web coaching, whatever the heck it is, and if you don't cancel in the first month, we'll just start charging you $67 a month. No biggie.

Yeah, NO. I do not want the "free" membership.

The operator informed me that the 30-day membership would begin the day we logged into the site, so I thought, "Hey, I just won't ever log in."

Yeah, that didn't work. They charged me anyway. AAAAAGH!

I called the Customer Service department Wednesday, and could tell that this is what they deal with EVERY day, people who didn't want to be charged, who tried to prevent getting charged, because the whole point is - THEY MAKE THEIR MONEY BY OFFERING FREE BOOKS AND THEN RIPPING PEOPLE OFF FOR $67.

The Customer Service rep told me that she would order a recording of my phone call and we would listen to it together, just call me back in 24 hours.

Guess who hasn't answered her extension since then?

I'm so aggravated, both at the scammers and at myself. Because I should have seen this coming. I should have hung up the minute they mentioned the stupid online membership. I thought I could handle it.

But they beat me.

Puppies and printers and scammers, oh MY!

2010-01-15T17:21:00.006-06:00

Do you have those days when you feel like you did NOTHING at all, but you're tired anyway? Today was one of those days. And so that I don't feel like a total loser, I decided I'd post my accomplishments, no matter how small.

And off we go

I got my kids fed and dressed. Hey, that's quite the accomplishment here, where the Dirty Laundry girls would like every day to be Pajama Day.

I took this sweet puppy outside humpteen times to go potty, and I fixed his special meals of puppy food and formula. He's one month old today, you see. Oh, and also I can't stop taking pictures of him. Like a grillion.

Let's see, what else? Oh, I called Lexmark regarding a problem I'm having with my color ink cartridge, and surprise of all surprises? THEY ARE SENDING ME A NEW CARTRIDGE. You don't see that kind of customer service much these days! So YAY, Lexmark.

Called scammer Loral Langmeier to argue about a charge to my account. I may write an entire post about this tomorrow. Yeah, I will, so check back. I know, I haven't been so consistent with the writing of the posts, but just check back - I'm trying to do better.

Hey, the puppy just deleted my entire post. Thank goodness for Auto Save!

I sorted my tax receipts - until this afternoon, everything was crammed into one folder. Next step will be entering them into spreadsheets.

Made and/or received several business calls. Have I told y'all lately that we love our business? Ask me about it.

Oh yeah, and I also educated my children. Found a great typing site through a friend's blog. Printed out worksheets, introduced new exercises. It was a GREAT school day.

Did I mention taking a grillion pictures of the puppy? Oh, and wrote a blog post for the first time in 87 years. I guess I wasn't such a slacker after all.

Carte Blanche

2009-12-11T12:05:00.002-06:00

Wow, it's been over a month since I've posted.

You know what? With Twitter and Facebook around these days, it's just so easy to post a quick thought there, and never really get around to putting those thoughts together into a post.

Even today I'm just writing a quickie, to say HOW VERY MUCH I love my new 'do. I've returned to the Best Hairdresser I Ever Had, and I'm embarrassed that it's taken me this long.

Sherry was the first one who gave me layers, oh, like 25 years ago. Sherry was the first one to perm my hair, and the first to give me highlights too.

No, I don't perm my hair these days. My frizz phase passed in the early 90s.

Don't ask my why I left Sherry; I don't remember. I think it was an impulsive day when I couldn't get an appointment with her, and I just wandered away aimlessly.

I'm so ashamed.

But yesterday I returned to the Mother Ship, and all is right with the world. She said to me, "Can I have carte blanche?" And I said, "Go for it."

And she did.

And I'm happy.

But I don't have a photo yet, so you'll just have to wait.

Polly's Return

2009-11-02T05:00:00.000-06:00

Hey, how come I just found Polly Pocket's black pump in my bed? I haven't seen that tramp around this house for MONTHS, and today I find her dadgum shoe in my bed?

I wanna know what the heck's been going on, y'all.

Standin' up for the Depot!

2009-10-29T21:56:00.005-06:00

I thought I might present an alternative view to the Home Depot "controversy" in the news this week.

Big Daddy has been employed by Home Depot for over two years and we have found them to be a generous and fair employer. An employer with rules.

For the first few months that BD worked at HD, he wore whatever ball caps he chose. At some point, it was brought to BD's attention that he was to wear Home Depot-approved ball caps. So BD complied with his employer's dress code.

Until this month, all employees at HD had been allowed to wear shorts year-round. Effective October 1, they were notified that shorts would no longer be allowed until Spring. So my husband complied with his employer's dress code. He whines, but he complies. :)

We're well aware of the rule that prohibits personal buttons on the work apron. Heck, that sacred apron isn't even allowed out of the dang store! And the buttons? Home Depot buttons, baby. NASCAR buttons, FROM HOME DEPOT. Vendor buttons, FROM HOME DEPOT. Reward badges, FROM HOME DEPOT. I think you get my point.

Oh, and? BD reads WHATEVER he wants to in the break room, and that includes his Bible.

To be honest, y'all? I don't think it matters what the guy's dadgum button said. It could have said, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish!", "I Love My Wife!", or "Star Trek Forever," and it would have been out of compliance with the company's dress policy.

Are people seriously saying that because the button was patriotic or Christian that it should have been allowed, regardless of the rules? Seriously? It's not like it was a cross on a chain around his neck, or a yarmulke or some such religious icon. It was a ding dang pin-on button. And his boss told him to take it off. And he refused.

Insubordination is grounds for termination.

I'm just gonna say that I don't use my Christian beliefs or love for my country as an excuse to break rules. And I don't like it when other people do, either.

Breaking News

2009-10-04T09:09:00.002-06:00

THIS JUST IN!

Britney Spears buys parakeet!

Seriously? People Magazine? Do we need to know this?

I just don't get it.

Today's Mantra

2009-10-02T09:16:00.003-06:00

Today's Mantra:

She'll grow out of those boots soon and I won't have to cringe at what she wears them with.

And also? I know my participle is dangling...or some kind of grammar faux pas.

The Ride of Our Life

2009-09-30T06:46:00.000-06:00

Contact me if you want to join us.

All Over The Place

2009-09-11T11:59:00.003-06:00

So I've got a lot on my mind, and maybe putting it all down here will help me sort it out and make some sense of it. Whether you'll enjoy reading about it? Is debatable.

We're building a business, which is SO rewarding and stressful at the same time. We're involved with some of the most fabulous people we've ever met, as well as some of the most infuriating. God's prospering it though, so Yay, God!

I'm on a pretty strict eating program right now and getting GREAT weight loss results. Problem is? I'm getting oh, so bored with my eating choices. The supplements and foods keep me from craving lovely things like steak and chocolate, but still...there's only so much you can do with lean meat. Tired of chicken. Almost tired of salmon. Wah. The bright side? I did just figure out that I can have eggs, so YAY!

My dogs are old. I mean, like 14 and 15 years old. They've begun going potty all over the house and it REALLY stresses me out. Plus I think they have worms. And fleas. And we have fought such a diligent battles against those parasites that I'm upset by our failure. We haven't gone to the vet since getting their annual shots, and if we go now, he will certainly want to do "geriatric" blood work AGAIN, and DANG that's expensive.

We're planning a trip for later in the fall, and please see above re: elderly dogs. There's only one person in the world that I trust to dog sit for us, and if she's not available...AGH.

My oldest daughter has just been diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder, and while it's such a blessing to know the REASON for her behaviors, it's still exhausting to deal with at times.

Pretty sure my youngest daughter has some sort of Attention Deficit thingie, and her flightiness wears me out some days. Can not be still. Can't. Not an option. But we're working on getting an evaluation, so I'm looking forward to that.

Homeschool this year is like a giant chess match. We have one too few computers, and I haven't found our rhythm yet on who's where, and when. Pooh9 now has a computer in her room, so she's set. But the other two? Keeping them busy and focused has been a challenge so far.

I can't wait for those Christmas sales, so we can get one or two more computers. Of course, we'll have to move out the beds and stuff to fit it all in, but hey, whatever works.

We're going to a fantastic training for our business tomorrow, and am VERY excited. Woo Hoo!

And by the way, I know that my God will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory, and I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Because if it weren't for Him, what sense would anything make?

And on that note, y'all have a great weekend, because I intend to.

House Wanted

2009-09-04T06:53:00.002-06:00

Scooter: Momma, every morning when you wake up, you burp.

Me: You lay in there and listen to me in the morning?

Scooter: (giggling) Yes ma'am.

Yeah, we definitely need a bigger house.

Churrrrrrrrrrrros

2009-08-23T23:44:00.003-06:00

Is it wrong that I want to move into the Big Brother house just so I can have the Churros?

Dang, I love me some Churros!

Oh, and also? Michelle's hair is JACKED ON UP. Seriously, I wish Jordan or even Natalie would tie her down and do something with that crooked parted, greasy mess.

And send me some Churros while they're at it.

Fear

2009-08-16T13:13:00.001-06:00

I saw this quote today on Facebook:

Confront your fear HEAD ON!
Take the sting out of it, then start acting to eliminate it!

Nothing robs your energy as fast as FEAR!

More To Love - August 4

2009-08-04T20:14:00.004-06:00

I'll admit it - I may be addicted to reality television. I'll watch anything once, and some ridiculous shows even more than once.

Tonight I'm watching More to Love on Fox, and I have a few thoughts to share.

Y'all, I'm a big girl. The smallest I've ever been is a Size 16. My wedding dress was an 18. And now? I'm not gonna tell you the size, but I'll tell ya this: I'm the largest I've ever been. Praise God, I'm losing weight again, but that's another post.

My point is this: No matter what my size has been, I just lived my life. These girls whine about their size CONSTANTLY. All the time. Non-stop. And come on - most of them are about a size 18, maybe a 20.

Shut up, you big honkin' babies!

Most of them could use a session with Clinton and Stacy from What Not to Wear, too, because OMG, they wear such unflattering clothes! Yeah, maybe weight isn't the reason you can't get a date. Maybe it's because you dress crappy.

Just a thought.

And finally? This guy comes off insincere to me. I hope I'm wrong, because I'd hate for him to just be playing games with all these basket cases.

What do you think?

Big honkin' jerks

2009-07-20T17:55:00.004-06:00

You know what hacks me off?

Jerky people who lie - that's who hacks me off.

Seriously, isn't it sad when people lie about others, just to cover the fact that they themselves are big honkin' jerks?

Ugh.

Bad Timing

2009-07-04T12:37:00.003-06:00

Happy Independence Day, all!

You know what I was just thinking? I REALLY wish that our forefathers had considered weather when they declared Independence Day.

It's sweaty out there, y'all.

I'm thinking March or October may have been a more moderate choice. But that's just me.

Please No.

2009-06-23T12:06:00.002-06:00

Just saw on The Travel Channel that in Ecuador? They eat guinea pigs. It's like the national dish or something.

I kid you not.

That's just nine kinds of wrong, y'all.

The Bachelorette - June 1

2009-06-01T19:01:00.002-06:00

I'm watching The Bachelorette tonight, but I'm not sure how much I'll write about it. I do like the guy who got the first date - Ed?

And you know what really hacks me off? The guys who interrupt other guys' conversations with Jillian. It's just RUDE, people!

And although I don't like Juan much, I don't get David's Deep Dark Hatred of the guy. David! Move on, Dude!

Tanner P is a Big Honkin' Freakin' Freak with his foot fetish, y'all. He needs to get on outta there!

I like Robby from Spring, Texas.

And also Sasha from Tiki Island, Texas! Hold up - she's sending him home? WAH.

Okay, so I like Wes too, but I'm about tired of his song, yo. He needs to write another one, seriously. No, no, no! STOP singing that dang song, Wes! Sing "Love Me Tender" or something, but I'm OVER "They say love, it don't come easAY HAY HAY HAY AY!"

More freaky foot stuff. Uhm...EW.

And unfortunately Dave has officially gone off his rocker.

It's Rose Ceremony time - who's going home tonight? Well I'll tell ya this - it looks TENSE in there! So two guys I don't recognize are going home, and I guess that says a bit about why they're going. I can't believe freaky foot guy is staying. I'll have to send my girls to bed early next week because I don't wanna have to explain the whole toe suckin' thing just yet.

What did you think about tonight's show?

Define unique, please.

2009-06-01T17:23:00.005-06:00

My girls are going through all of their old birthday cards, Valentines and such. Tinkerbell is thrilled because she has 17 cards, and Pooh won't tell anyone how many she has.

Then Tink and Pooh realize that they have the same card. The kicker? The fronts of the identical cards read:

Grandaughter
You are beautiful
You are special
You are unique
You are loved.

Cracks me up.

The Bachelorette - May 25

2009-05-25T20:34:00.004-06:00

I am WAY too disorganized and random to do any kind of formal recap or commentary, so it's random randomness from Random Town, people.

That's just how I roll.

The race to find Jillian? SO fun! I love that so far there's more to this show than muggin' down in the hot tub.

Love that Wes won the Vault Date with Jillian, and I don't get why the other guys don't like him. Sounds like they think he's there to further his music career, but I don't see that yet. Hope I don't. Cause I'd hate to have to dump one a my Texas boys.

And Brad? Is a tool. Whatever that means. I'm not a fan.

Another Texas boy gets a date - it's Jake, the commercial pilot from Dallas. Yep. And how cute is this guy with his little feelings and his corny western shirt?

P.S., when did Jillian turn into a Hot Tamale? Cause I knew she was cute and all, but tonight? She's smokin'.

Hello, impulsive kisser! How romantic is this guy?

Moving on to the basketball date, and I gotta say - Jillian? Lose the scarf. A trend is a trend, sweetie, but to play basketball? I can not co-sign that.

Cause I'm clearly a fashion icon.

Anyway.

Intermission while I play Farkle on Facebook.

Tanner P is a freakin' freak with the foot thing, and he needs to go home. Even if he is from Texas (isn't he?).

The guys voting for the person they'd like to see leave is awkward, but I see a twist coming...let's see. They choose Juan, but Jillian keeps him. Yawn.

Rose Time! I still don't know these guys' names, so I'll refrain from a play-by-play here. Except...Jessie and Sasha are safe and I like 'em both. David too, although I'm tired of him saying he wants to beat Juan's ass.

Let it go, David. Let it go.

So Naked Pool Jumper goes home, and so does the Brit. No surprises here.

What about you? Who are your favorites? What are your thoughts about this episode?

Talk amongst yourselves.

The Bachelorette - Apparently I'm watching it.

2009-05-19T00:01:00.004-06:00

Hey, so I wasn't gonna watch The Bachelorette this season, but guess what? It's 1:00 in the dadgum morning and I'm sitting here watching it on the DVR.

There are SEVERAL Texas boys on this season, so maybe I'll just stick it out to see what happens to 'em. Yeah, that's it. Because I'm TOTALLY not addicted to reality TV. At all.

Some observations while I'm waiting on Jillian to kick some of 'em to the curb:

During the first introductions, Jillian said "Cool," and "Awesome," way too much. Seriously.

I'm really stressing over her white dress dragging in that water and gettin' all grody. I do, however, love that she kicked off her shoes and just padded around in bare feet half the night.

And speaking of feet, the guy who wanted to check out her feet creeped me out. He wasn't one of my Texas boys, was he? Lemme check the website. Tanner P...is from...oh crap, he's from Dallas. Well, Dallas or not, he's a freakin' freak and he needs to go.

One thing that runs through my mind, especially on the first couple of episodes, is How On Earth does she remember all the names? Are there cue cards or a teleprompter or something? Because I'm telling you right now - I COULD NOT remember all those names.

Okay, here's Jillian. She's gonna start giving out roses.

Jake - the pilot from Texas! One of my faves!

Wes - Woo Hoo! The country singer from Austin!

Michael - The break dancer - I like him.

Robert - Texas again!

Ed - He was one of the interlopers, wasn't he? But I liked him.

Reid - Another interloper! And I'm not so crazy about this one.

Simon - She must like accents, because he seemed strange, was hard to understand, and honestly? Not all that handsome either.

Kiptyn - What the heck kind of name is that? But I like him anyway.

Mike - Ew, low forehead. Reminds me of that lunatic CT on The Real World and all its spinoff Challenges. Ew.

Brian D - I like that little hillbilly.

Sasha - Texas again, and I liked his Serbian family in the intro clip.

Tanner P - Ew, I don't think she knows that he's a foot freak. I do like his jacket, though.

And now's when I start getting sad for the poor guys who aren't getting picked. Wah.

I liked the other Bryan and John H, but they're outta there.

There were 20 picks altogether, but some of 'em? Meh. Didn't care one way or the other.

I don't think I've ever watched a Bachelorette season all the way though, so we'll see what happens this year...

Did you watch the show tonight? What did you think?

Weekend Update

2009-05-17T20:50:00.003-06:00

Hey y'all, here I am closing out the weekend.

It was a good one.

I can report that we drove 200 miles to Lake Somerville for a family reunion, and approximately 150 of those miles were in pouring rain. And I only spent about 5 minutes on anxiety. The rest was spent playing with my Blackberry, eating road trip snacks and stopping for tinkle breaks.

It was a nice drive.

I can report that I enjoyed visiting with my family immensely. I really, really love my aunts, uncles and cousins, for real. And it pains me that we only see each other once or twice a year. We meet at a park every summer and eat barbecue and say, "Y'all come see us!" but no one ever does. Maybe I'll make 2009/10 the year that the Dirty Laundry family actually goes and sees someone.

I'll keep you posted.

I can report that our return trip was also 200 miles. And that approximately 100 miles was in the pouring rain. I had no anxiety, Praise God! But we did increase the number of potty breaks. I have no idea why.

We stopped in West, Texas to buy kolaches, because that is what one does when driving through West, Texas. LOVE those kolaches!

Had sausage kolaches for dinner. Had fruit kolaches for breakfast this morning. Yum.

I'm done saying kolache. Promise.

I can report that this has been one of the best weekends in recent history, and the main reason? Peace of mind. Sweet, sweet peace of mind.

So many things that have been troubling me and weighing me down have been wiped out and it's magnificently fabulous. Are things perfect around here? HECK no. But they're oh, so much better and that's just what we need.

I hope yours was just as good.

Multi-Tasking Palooza

2009-05-13T17:53:00.003-06:00

I'm so dang talented.

I am currently:

Chatting on Facebook with a lifelong friend.

Chatting on Google Talk with another friend.

Coaching Tinkerbell on the Build-a-Bear website.

Handling this dang old Alzheimer's dog of mine. Thank goodness I love him. In, out, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, OMG I'm gonna put him out of my misery!

Sending ringtones to Lifelong Friend.

Teaching Lifelong Friend how to use his new phone. From Texas to North Carolina. Thank goodness I love him.

Oh, and now? Also writing a blog post.

Aren't y'all glad that I decided to start sharing my scintillating life with you again?

Some rambling and also some roaming

2009-05-12T08:13:00.010-06:00

So. I haven't written much at all lately, just haven't felt like it. I keep wondering how in the past, I wrote every day, and had TONS to say. No one may have wanted to read it, but so what? I wrote it. And I enjoyed it.

I've pondered and I've puttered and I've figured, and here's what I came up with. Over the past year, Big Daddy and I have encountered some GINORMOUS challenges.

We started a business. A business that we LOVE.

We were betrayed by "friends" that we considered family.

Our Pooh began dealing with a mood disorder that adversely affected our entire family.

Because of our family's experiences with Pooh's mood disorder, yet more "friends" that we considered family decided that we were unfit parents.

Yeah. Good stuff.

When you're dealing with life-changing circumstances, you want the support of your family and friends. And you know what? I'm just gonna put this out there - some of the people we counted on? Have NOT had our backs.

Devastating.

Here's the part where we get to brag on God, though.

My favorite scripture has always been Romans 8:28. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

And let me tell you about the good that God has done for us. He has, WITHOUT A DOUBT, shown us the friends that we can count on. And you know what's cool? In the most unexpected and magical ways, God brought just the right people back around to us, people who were not in our lives a year ago.

Friends we hadn't talked to in years have offered us their wisdom, their prayers, and unwavering support.

God is good.

All the time.

What, you may ask, does all this have to do with writing or not writing? I guess just that it's hard to put this kind of sadness out there. It's one thing to write about a sad day every now and then, interspersed with the levity. I haven't wanted to be one of those people who writes about dreariness Every Single Day. Problem is? Our life has been sad Every Single Day for a few months now.

Yes, we have some GREAT days mixed in there, but the ratio has been OFF, my friends.

And also PLUS, I've been skittish about writing honestly, because I've felt vulnerable and defensive. But you know what? I'm going to try REALLY hard to stop worrying about the people who DON'T love us and just be thankful for those who DO.

And I'm gonna try to write more often, whether it's cheerful or funny or just plain old boring. Because I think it will help me get to a happier place.

So hopefully we'll be seeing each other more often.

Because my God is good.

All the time.

Priorities

2009-04-24T19:51:00.001-06:00

My Tink's birthday is coming up soon, and I would love to get her one of those nifty new netbooks.

It's such a hassle for the poor girls, playing musical PCs for their schoolwork, and Big Daddy's laptop time is woefully inadequate.

Anyway.

Today the girls and I went into Best Buy just to drool over the netbooks, and we found one with a great price. We immediately started scheming, I began going over the budget and commission checks in my brain, and when Big Daddy came home we discussed it. We're almost sure that we're getting a netbook in 2 weeks, and we just have to figure out which one.

Until.

We're sitting here watching TV, and Tink asks to use my fingernail clippers. She's clippin' and cleanin', doin' the fingernails and toenails. Suddenly she says, "Mommy, I don't want that laptop for my birthday. I want some fingernail clippers JUST LIKE YOURS!"

I go, "Really, honey? You don't want a laptop?"

Tink says, "No, these fingernail clippers ROCK! I can get my toenails SO CLEAN and they look so much better than when I just pick 'em. I can wait on the laptop. Plus I bet these don't cost as much money."

Isn't she just a doll?

She might just get a netbook AND fingernail clippers.

American Idol Disco Week

2009-04-22T20:05:00.006-06:00

Okay, people, things have been a little loony around here so I didn't write about this week's Dancing With The Stars or American Idol. In fact, we just watched the AI Performance show tonight and we're catching up on the Results show right now.

And y'all.

I had to fire up the laptop, couldn't keep quiet about this VERY INTERESTING show.

First of all, Lil going home first was the right thing. She has vocal talent but hasn't figured out how to be original yet.

I'll admit, that's about all I had paid attention to, until they announced the Disco Has-Been Tour. OMG.

ROFLMAO

These ladies? Oh. My. Goodness. They look GOOD for their ages, there's no question about that. And their voices are still GREAT. But my goodness, they could use a stylist! Or two or three. The first dress? Not bad, but a size or 3 too small. The second dress? Ill-fitting and NOT age appropriate.

At all.

Then here comes my 7th Grade Main Man, KC without the Sunshine Band. Love me some KC, y'all. He may have been my first concert, at the All-New Music Mill Ampitheatre at Six Flags over Texas. There were girls faintin' and everything. Loved me some KC.

But now? Let's just say I'm disappointed. And that I disapprove of the hairstyle and the BRIGHT red shirt and too-tight pants.

A lot. And that's all I have to say about that.

Anoop goes home tonight, and I suppose it's the right thing. See y'all next week, my friends.

American Idol - April 14

2009-04-14T20:29:00.004-06:00

Wow, y'all, there's lots of reality TV to be watched tonight. Just finished Dancing With The Stars, and now it's American Idol.

Tonight's theme is Songs from the Movies, and I do not get how Quentin Tarantino is an appropriate mentor for a SINGING COMPETITION.

But that's just me.

First up is Alison Iraheta and she's singing that song from Armageddon. Never can remember what it's called, but I like it. Her performance? I always love Alison's voice, but there's a slow start and nothing unique here, except for those tomato soup pants.

Big Daddy: I DO NOT like what she's wearing - it's SO UGLY. It looks like her hips are about to Take You OUT!

Yeah, we don't pull any punches over here, do we?

Anoop Dawg - Everything I Do, I Do it For You
I think that's too many words for the title of a song, don't you? Love it, although I would not have signed off on that jacket contraption he's wearing. And he should not have pointed at the camera on his last note. Did people BOO? Because that's just wrong. WRONG. Anoop rocked it.

Adam Lambert - Born To Be Wild
Adam definitely has a great voice, but he sort of gives me the creeps. Great voice. But The Creeps.

Paula said that Adam "dares to dance in the palette of greatness," and "fortune rewards the brave." What the...

Matt Giraud - Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman
I love Matt, but tonight he was just a'ight.

Danny Gokey - Endless Love
Love the song, Love Danny. I think he was a bit pitchy in the beginning, but then he brought it home.

Kris Allen - Not sure what song this is, and I'm not crazy about it, but he didn't suck.

I'm also shopping online for eyeglasses right now, so forgive me for not being more detailed. Hey, I'm no expert - I just knows what I likes.

Lil Rounds - The Rose
Here's what I think about Lil. She's just so unoriginal. She has a phenomenal voice, but she's doing those tired old runs that everyone does in auditions. PUMPKIN, STOP IT. Great voice, but no maturity to back it up.

Oh, and also? Don't talk back, please. Shut up NOW.

And the clip of Alison singing right afterwards confirms it: Lil has no originality.

And Adam still creeps me out. Sorry, but he does.

So, who should go home this week? LIL. Who was the best? I don't even know. I was underwhelmed.

Catcha later, people.

Dancing With The Stars - April 14 Results

2009-04-14T19:42:00.004-06:00

Live from Hollywood, this is Dancing With The Stars. And I don't have much to say.

I still love that Lil' Kim/Derek Hough Jive number. I didn't realize how much I like Derek Hough until this dance. I'd be fine with Lil' Kim being a little less shiny, though. And does she somehow look like Alexis Carrington?

Blah blah blah...blah blah blah

First safe couples are Lil' Kim/Derek and Lawrence/Edyta. I was kinda hopin' Lawrence would be in the bottom so Ty didn't have to. Wah.

Love Rascal Flatts, y'all. And the Tony/Julianne dance was beautiful.

This clip where the contestants are designing the costumes is cute, cute, cute. I love it when Lawrence says that Edyta is allergic to clothes. I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Next two couples up are Shawn/Mark and Melissa/Tony, and they're all safe. Good, love 'em all.

Rascal Flatts again - Great.

Carmen Electra - Love it.

Body Language expert - WOW!

Next safe couple is Gilles and Cheryl. Shocker, huh?

Chuck and Julianne are safe too, and that leaves Ty/Chelsie and Steve-O/Lacey. Please let Ty stay...Please let Ty stay...Please let Ty stay...

Yay, Ty is staying! Now I've gotta go watch American Idol. See y'all next week!

Dancing With The stars - April 13

2009-04-13T19:21:00.008-06:00

Tonight's dances are the Rumba and Jive, and I'm gonna go ahead and say I despise some of the costumes tonight.

First out of the chute tonight is Ty Murray, my little cowboy boyfriend, doing The Jive with Chelsie Hightower. I hope he's better than last week, don't y'all?

Love Chelsie's little American Flag bodice, but the beginning of this dance is yucky. OOH, it's gettin' better though! HOW FRICKIN' CUTE IS TY MURRAY, Huh? I hope the judges don't get on 'em for making it too country, and OH NO, he really missed his steps and got confused for a minute. Wah.

SCORE: 18. Vote for Ty, y'all!

Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas - The Rumba
First of all, her dress looks so matronly on the top, but OMG, she got a little sexy, didn't she? I'm so proud of the little Tomboy. WOW!

SCORE: 26!

Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sleazinska - The Jive
Another dress critique from Miss Fashion Plate over here. Love the color, hate every thing else about it. ESPECIALLY those whack leg thingies. EW.

But the dance? Love the Football Player hip swing, y'all. He's actually lighter on his feet than my little Ty. Big Daddy pointed out, though, that they're not using the whole floor, so we'll see how it goes.

SCORE: 22

Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani - The Rumba
I'm a Melissa and Tony fan, but I didn't love this dance tonight. I don't have much, good or bad, to say about it.

SCORE: 27

Lil' Kim and Derek Hough - The Jive
NOW THAT'S A JIVE, y'all. There were some sticky places, but overall I thought it was GREAT.

Bruno Tonioli cracks me up, people.

SCORE: 28

Steve-O and Lacey Schwimmer - The Rumba
Part of the time Steve-O looked like he was doing military drills. Big Daddy wanted to fast forward because it was so boring, but it just sort of made me uncomfortable.

SCORE: 16

Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke - The Jive
Hate the skirt.

But the dance? ABSOLUTELY incredible. I think Gilles may have out-danced Cheryl. I enjoyed it so much that I overlooked everything negative that the judges mentioned.

And there's my boyfriend Cristian de la Fuente in the audience! Sigh.

SCORE: 26

Chuck Wickes and Julianne Hough - The Rumba
How cute is this guy, y'all? Although his lacy shirt is making me a little uncomfortable, I gotta say. But the dance, ummmmmmm, it sorta embarrassed me, it was so intimate. And good, it was good.

SCORE: 23

That's it for tonight, friends. Who did you like? My favorites were Shawn & Mark, Gilles & Cheryl, and Chuck & Julianne. I guess the worst were Ty and Steve-O, but y'all vote for Ty so he can stay another week.

See ya tomorrow night for DWTS Results and American Idol.

Peace Out.

American Idol - April 8 Results Show

2009-04-08T19:14:00.004-06:00

It's the Results Show, my peeps.

Have I mentioned how much I absolutely HATE the "Ryan Picks On Simon Show?" Hate it. Can't stand it. So what if Simon was born in 1959? Shut up, Ryan, seriously.

OOH, I LOVE Frankie Avalon! Bring it, Frankie! Frankie's lookin' good, isn't he? I bet he's had some work done. Which I'm absolutely okay with.

Group Number? Meh. Boring.

Ford Commercial? Like the bling.

Blah blah, Ryan's talking, blah blah blah.

First person in the Bottom Three? Anoop Desai. Not surprised. It's probably because he wore a hoodie with a tie.

Danny Gokey is safe. That's MY boy.

Matt Giraud? Saferooni.

You know who Scott McIntyre looks like? That guy who played Julia Roberts' love interest in Sleeping With The Enemy. Kevin Anderson. Don't you think? Oh, and Scott's in the bottom three.

Lil's makeup is beautiful tonight. Didn't keep her out of the bottom three, though.

Hey y'all, I LOVE Kelly Pickler. She's just the cutest little thing in the world, and she doesn't seem to have changed a BIT, except that she gets to dress hoochier these days.

And it all comes down to this: The person with the lowest number of votes is Scott McIntyre. Beautiful performance, buddy...whew, until that stinker of a note toward the end. Will the judges save him? Paula's crying, and it looks like it's the girls against the boys on whether he'll stay.

Well waddaya know, Big Daddy and I are crying too. I guess Scott grabbed us more than we realized.

Goodbye, Scott.

American Idol - April 9

2009-04-07T20:58:00.003-06:00

Tonight's theme is The Year You Were Born. Lame, in my opinion, but whatever.

First up is Danny Gokey, and he's singing Stand By Me. I don't know why Ryan called it Mickey Gilley's version, because that would be Country music, wouldn't it? And this isn't. But anyway. It was a'ight. I'm a big Gokey fan, but he didn't knock my socks off tonight.

But Paula was obviously moved, because she was shakin' her groove thang. Uhm, ew.

Kris sang and I missed it because I was dealing with a belligerent child. But I'm told he sang Every Little Thing She Does is Magic, and I'm OVER that song.

UPDATE: Apparently Kris sang All She Wants To Do Is Dance, which is obviously a completely different song. I swear, I asked Big Daddy 42 times, "Are you sure it was Every Little Thing She Does is Magic? Because they're talking about Don Henley now and that's a Sting song!" And he's all, "I know, but maybe Don Henley wrote it or somethin'." Yeah, he was wrong.

Lil Rounds - I love her hair in the taped piece! I also love that they clarified that her name is NOT Lil'. It's just Lil. Thank you.

What's Love Got To Do With It doesn't sound so good tonight, I'm sorry to say. VERY pitchy, although she did some good yellin' in the middle of the song. But did I mention pitchy? Poor Lil. She looked good, tho.

Anoop Dawg is singing True Colors? Hmmm. He's got a nice voice, but this performance was uninspiring. Completely.

Scott McIntyre - The Search is Over
For the record, I LOVE this song, although I can't remember right now who sang it first. Anyone? Anyone? So because I'm a Scott fan and a This Song fan, I really enjoyed the performance. EW, until the end when he went kind of wonky.

How do you like my technical terms? Wonky.

Allison Iraheta - I Can't Make You Love Me
This song really suits Allison's voice, but I can't stand that ridiculous skirt she's wearing. Yeah, that's all I got.

Matt Giraud - Part Time Lover
GET OUT OF HERE, I love this performance. Love. It.

Adam...Oh no, the DVR cut off!

Did I miss anyone else?

Well who should go home? I'm sorry to say probably Lil or maybe Scott. My fave of the night? Matt. Absolutely.

What did y'all think about tonight's show?

Dancing With The Stars - April 8 Results

2009-04-07T20:14:00.003-06:00

I'm watching the DWTS Results show, and

Oh. My. Goodness.

Etta James? Holy Smokes, but listening to her is just incredible. Incredible. I hear 100 American Idol contestants sing these old classics and forget how ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS the original is. I have chills.

Okay, moving on.

I didn't write about last night's show because I was at my parents' house, looking at their new GMC Acadia. It's the bomb. We saw a few of the dancers but I didn't pay a lot of attention.

Here's my deal, though. I love Ty Murray, and yeah, he was pretty bad last night, but I don't care. I think he's a cutie patootie.

Love Melissa From The Bachelor. Loved her back when she was a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader too.

I think David Allan Grier is so dadgum funny, and he's not a bad dancer either.

Warren Sapp has disappointed me, because I'm ALWAYS a fan of the football players. He's kind of boring though, don't you think?

I like Chuck and Julianne, because I have to support my Country Music peeps.

Shawn Johnson and Lil' Kim are okay, but I'm not in love with 'em.

Who does that leave? Oh GILLES! HUBBA HUBBA. That is all.

Steve-O. HATE JACKASS, so not a fan. But he's already through to next week, so that means that someone better than him will be going home tonight. Wah.

Big Daddy loves the Cirque du Soliel Men in Skirts performance. I was bored.

Okay, now I'm not bored. As the mother of young girls, I'm required to like Demi Lovato. I also really enjoyed Benji Schwimmer's performance during Demi's song.

And the bottom two are David/Kym and Warren/Edyta. Please let Warren go, Please let Warren go...

The Dance-Off? Loved David and Kym's performance. Y'all, he's really good. Not great, but really good! And they scored 24!

Samantha Harris is a goober.

Warren and Edyta? Nah. Not feelin' it. Scored 20, just like last night.

And the next couple eliminated? David and Kym. I'm so sad.

Now let me get to watchin' American Idol on the DVR.

Dancing With The Stars - March 30

2009-03-30T21:31:00.005-06:00

Hey, I'm blogging about Dancing With The Stars, but I'm not promising that it will be comprehensive or even make sense.

I've found that my favorite way to blog these competition shows is random and Stream of Consciousness. I think you'll either love it or hate it, so...

I'm just warnin' ya.

David Allan Grier and Kym Johnson - Lindy Hop
First off, David's sense of humor. Love. It. And since I have absolutely no dance knowledge, and I'm not gonna act like I do, I'm just gonna go ahead and say I love this performance! I knows what I likes, and I likes David Allan Grier!

Score: 22

Lil' Kim and Derek Hough - Argentine Tango
Wow, we see in the taped piece that Derek isn't very familiar with this dance - that's a bit of a handicap, huh? LOVE the color of Lil's dress, and her makeup is GREAT! OMG, did you see how straight she was when he lifted her?

And did I mention I love her makeup? Sometimes I'm uncomfortable looking at Lil' Kim because her face is just strange to me, but tonight? She look like a regular person. Beautiful.

Score: 27! They got the first 10 of the season!

Chuck Whoever and Julianne Hough - Lindy Hop
He's a cutie patootie and I love to watch him dance. His little jumps and steps are very cute, but I don't know from technical.

Score: 22

Lawrence Taylor and Edyta Sleazinska - Argentine Tango
Love watching football players dance, and Edyta has some gargantuan calf muscles. Yeah, that's it.

Score: 19

Ty Murray and Chelsie Hightower - Lindy Hop
I'm a BIG fan of this cowboy. Woo Hoo! I think his dancing was VERY cute, but I'm not sure about his facial expressions. He's normally a pretty stoic guy, so I think that part is pretty hard for him. But how frickin' cute is he?

Score: 25! Great for a guy who got 4s and 5s his first week!

Steve Woz and Karina Schmirnoff - Argentine Tango
Yeah, come on; I don't know why this guy's still here, unless it's for comic relief. He sure has a lot of fans though, doesn't he?

Score: 12

Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani - Lindy Hop
I'm a big fan, big fan, of both Tony and Melissa. Girlfriend came out of that Bachelor fiasco smellin' like a dadgum rose. She was definitely the winner in that stupid scenario, huh? She's a great dancer, too.

Score: 29!

Holly Madison and Dmitry Chaplin - Argentine Tango
I was hoping Holly would do better this week in the emotion department, but I don't really see much. Bless her heart, it's ironic that the Playboy Bunny has absolutely no heat when it comes to dancing.

Score: 16

Steve-O and Lacey Schwimmer - Lindy Hop
He's not as bouncy as the other Lindy Hop guys have been, and is she wearing Crocs? I'm hypnotized by those purple shoes on Lacey's feet. Big Daddy says they're going home this week.

Score: 15

Gilles Martini and Cheryl Burke - Argentine Tango
Not a fan of her dress. BUT - he's my new Cristian de la Fuente so HA CHA CHA CHA!

Score: 30! A Perfect Score!

Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas - Lindy Hop
Cute, cute, cute, and also CUTE! How fun was that?

Score: 25

That's the show for tonight, folks! My faves? David, Melissa, Ty and Gilles. Who should go home? Woz and Steve-O, but maybe Holly.

What did you think? Who were your faves tonight?

American Idol - Top 10

2009-03-25T18:28:00.004-06:00

Hello, I'm still alive. And I've been dying to blog about this season of American Idol, but the stars haven't aligned to allow that until tonight.

So let me just get a few points out of the way. First of all, LOVE Paula's dress tonight. Actually, just the bottom half - I'm a sucker for tulle.

Next, I think that this is my favorite cast in about 2 or 3 seasons. LOVE almost every one of 'em.

Matt Giraud - Let's Get it On
I love this guy, but I wonder if he made the song HIS? I like it, but I always wonder about the judges...oh GOOD, they liked it!

Kris Allen - How Sweet it Is
Kris is talented, but I think he's at the bottom of the pile as far as Star Factor in this bunch. His performance was good, but it wasn't great, in my opinion.

Scott McIntyre - You Can't Hurry Love
Big Daddy says Scott has a Barry Manilow vibe. Makes sense - I love Barry and I'm a Scott fan, too. I wish that he'd been just a little more crazy in this song; he almost got there but not quite.

Hey, this judge bickering is just annoying. And the Ryan baiting Simon bit? I'm over it. STOP IT.

Megan Joy - For Once in My Life
Very brassy arrangement, which I love because I'm a jazz band geek from Jr. High. But Megan singing this song? Just seems corny to me. Ew, I don't like it at all.

Hey, I think that "I had a good time," is the contestants' way of stomping their feet and saying, "DON'T CARE what you say, you stupid judges!" What do you think? They usually say it after bad feedback, but not often after good. Spoiled brats.

Anoop Desai - Baby, Baby
Love this song, still can't get over how good Anoop is when he's good. LOVE his voice.

Michael Sarver - Ain't Too Proud to Beg
I love my Texas boy. This song, though? I agree with Smokey that Michael should have punched it more. I always get nervous when they start shaking people's hands - Just concentrate on your singin', dude! Sounded to me that he was behind the tempo quite a bit, too. Wah. I don't wanna see Michael go this week.

Lil Rounds - Heat Wave
Okay, first of all, let me get this out of the way - I thought her name was Lil, like short for Lillian. But Ryan and Simon keep sayin' that it's Lil', like slang for Little.

Which is it?

Anyway, on to Lil's singing. Oh no, sorry but HERE's the Vegas lounge act. She has a good voice, but NO.

Adam Lambert - Tracks of My Tears
Like the hair. Wow, he looks better without his usual costume. I liked his performance, but I didn't think it was the Performance Of A Lifetime, like the judges obviously did.

Danny Gokey - Get Ready
He's another of my favorites - I enjoyed the performance, but it wasn't a stand-out.

Allison the Red Haired Girl - Papa Was a Rollin' Stone
She has such a unique voice, but I don't get any charisma or connection from her.

Uh oh, that's all of 'em! That means it's opinion time, y'all! My favorite tonight was Matt Giraud, I guess. Who should go home? Probably Kris Allen or Lil Rounds.

What did you think about tonight's show? Speak up!

The K Word

2009-02-16T14:38:00.002-06:00

Scooter: Daddy, today we watched a movie? About this dog that could talk? And his eyes turned red and he could shoot people in the...you know...

Us: In the what?

Scooter: In the K Word.

Us: Puzzled looks

Scooter: You know, in the kwotch.

Us: Hysterical laughter

Oh, thank goodness this kid is ours, because Heaven knows that we need some hysterical laughter in our lives.

Happy V Day!

2009-02-13T22:02:00.000-06:00

Here's a little Valentine's Day gift from Amazon to you.

Happy Heart Eve

2009-02-13T08:45:00.002-06:00

Every year I have grand plans for Valentine's Day festivities, and almost every year I wait too long and not much of it gets done.

I want this year to be different.

We don't get all elaborate for Valentine's Day, but since this is the week that Big Daddy and I met, I do like to do SOMETHING.

So here's my plan. Today the girls and I will get out all the cutesy, glittery, gluey junk that we have in the art cabinet and we'll make Valentines for Big Daddy.

I will refrain from trying to perfect their creations. I will leave them alone. SERIOUSLY. I WILL.

Tomorrow Big Daddy's working, so we'll go to the grocery store in the morning and buy all sorts of goodies. I think I'm going to make him a lasagna, and either Paula Deen's Red Velvet Cake or Pioneer Woman's Chocolate Sheet Cake.

And when Big Daddy gets home tomorrow at 6:15? Dinner's ready, candles and Valentines on the table, and maybe even a new Wii game in the living room.

Cause I'm romantic like that.

What are you doing for Valentine's Day? Have any great ideas I can squeeze into my Master Plan?

Yet more proof that I'm just a little off

2009-02-11T07:21:00.003-06:00

Those of you who are still around, checking out my silly little blob, will now be treated to a recap of last night's dream.

So we're in Dollar Tree, right? And it's this big old warehouse of a Dollar Tree. And I keep on finding Post-It products. GOOD ones. Post-It Flags, Post-It notebooks, coral-colored Post-Its of all shapes and sizes...you get the idea.

Coral is my favorite Post-It color.

Then for some reason I'm up at the register and there's this old guy just GRIPING at the poor checkout girl. And she was just trying to answer him, but she was no match for this grump. Finally I just stepped in and said to him, "She's sorry that {whatever it was} happened to you. It shouldn't have happened. What else do you need, sir?"

And he says, "I wanna know what y'all are gonna do about it."

So I said, "I think we're gonna get all these people checked out."

Aren't I just a problem solver? And also VERY good at sticking my nose in other people's business?

I wonder which was the point of my dream?

And then here's the best part.

I went back to my shopping (while my whole family, including my PARENTS) waited in the car, and I found...

...this is so exciting...

...an ENTIRE Post-It Calendar set.

At the Dollar Tree.

For a DOLLAR.

Now I'm just a little sad cause it was only a dream.

American Idol - Hollywood Round #1

2009-02-04T22:20:00.001-06:00

I'm writing about American Idol again. Check it out at News and Reviews.

Yet MORE useless information

2009-01-29T19:31:00.004-06:00

I've got to go back to my archives and dig out those questions my 2 readers asked. Maybe I'll even ANSWER them!

In the meantime?

I stole this from Kristen at Diary of a Shoe Addict.

I know. I'm shameless.

Six names you go by:
1. Lori
2. Mommy
3. Lori G
4. Baby
5. Mo
6. Baby Girl

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. Black tennies
2. Sweat pants
3. wedding ring

Three things you want very badly at the moment:
1. The ability to share my enthusiasm for our business without driving people crazy
2. $50,000
3. A professional organizer

Two things you did last night:
1. Watched Fireproof
2. Watched Hancock

Two things you ate today:
1. Advocare Snack Bar
2. Meal Replacement Shake

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. Big Daddy
2. Sheila

Two things you are going to do tomorrow:
1. Do some work for my Dad
2. Hopefully lunch with my friends

Your favorite beverages:
1. Spark Energy Drink
2. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper

This and that and a little more

2009-01-28T17:42:00.003-06:00

So listen to the craziness that has been my life the past little while.

I found Facebook. I want to marry it, except that would be bigamy, or maybe just unnatural. So instead I'll just date it VERY heavily. So far, I've found friends from as far back as 35 years. Yes, that was before I was born, since I'm perpetually 29.

*

About a week ago, Pooh9 snuck into the kitchen in the middle of the night and drank 5 energy drinks, all at once. She threw up for 24 hours straight. It was heck keeping her hydrated, man.

*

Two days later, vinegar splashed in Pooh's eye and we had to go to the ER. They call it chemical conjunctivitis and it takes an awful long time to get well. She looks like a pirate.

*

I pulled a dadgum muscle playing Wii Bowling. How embarrassing is that, huh?

*

We're watching Hancock right now and I Like It. This surprises me.

*

We have Pooh rolled in bubble wrap to make sure nothing else happens to her.

4 x 4

2009-01-22T19:29:00.000-06:00

Someone e-mailed me this meme, and I knew that you would LOVE it, so here it is.

Four places that I go to over and over:
Scooter's school
Church
Wal-Mart
Advocare

Four favorite smells (this one was hard!):
Wassail
Citrus
Lavender
Mango

Four TV shows I watch:
Friday Night Lights
Big Bang Theory
American Idol
Survivor

Four places I would rather be right now:

Las Vegas

Albuquerque

San Diego

Alaska

What do you your answers to these topics look like?

Husband Tag

2009-01-19T07:00:00.001-06:00

I saw this little husband meme at Blessed With Olive Plants and shamelessly borrowed it in the interest of more frequent posting.

1. Where did you meet? In a bar. We've since repented.

2. How long did you date before you got married? We didn't so much date as move in together. We were married 9 months after we met. Please see above re: repentance.

3. How long have you been married? Just passed 12 years.

4. What does he do that surprises you? Yeah, not much.

5. What is your favorite feature of his? Those beautiful baby blues and that pretty smile.

6. What is your favorite quality of his? His protectiveness of me, and his self confidence when meeting new people.

7. Does he have a nickname for you? Baby, Baby Girl, Honey...you know, the usual.

8. What is his favorite color? Blue

9. What is his favorite food? You know what? It changes all the time! He loves Italian, Chinese, pretty much everything. Oh, the boy loves him some Taco Bueno Big Honkin' Nachos.

10. What is his favorite sport? Depends on the season. It has been hockey, is currently football, and he plays softball. Oh, and of course NASCAR.

11. When and where was your first kiss? Uhm...in that bar the night we met.

12. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? Go out to eat and talk. Alone. Or to the movies. OH! Go to Las Vegas.

13. Do you have any children? Three.

14. Does he have a hidden talent? Interior Design. My boy is in touch with his feminine side.

15. How old is he? 37

16. Who said I love you first? I really don't remember - I think it was me, but he forced me to say it first.

17. What’s his favorite type of music? He likes Country, Contemporary Christian and even Top 40 Pop/Crap.

18.What do you admire most about him? His bravery or boldness when meeting new people. And his desire to grow as a husband, father and child of God.

Hey, that was fun! Now you know a little more about us. What about you? If you wanna play along, let me know so I can check it out!

Long-term Memory Loss

2009-01-15T19:15:00.005-06:00

So I'm all wrapped up in Facebook these days. It's pitiful, actually.

You know what's really sad, though? I thought it might be nice to look for some of my old college friends, and y'all? I had 9 roommates total, and I can only remember the last name of ONE of them. Because she was my best friend. How sad is that?

Our housing was four girls in a one-bedroom apartment, and I lived in 3 different apartments. First apartment I shared with a mousy girl - maybe Sandra? Wow, she DID NOT like me. And I think Cathy and maybe Jo? See, I'm not even sure!

Second apartment was shared with my friend Cindy who went crazy, a thief named Pam and I don't even remember the name of the very private girl who came with one pot, one plate, one bowl, one cup and one fork. News Flash: Private Girl's name was Rachel. I think.

The last year I had 4 roommates for a while, and I only remember that one of them was named Debbie. Oh wait, and maybe there was a Patty.

Goodness, how sad am I?

Do you remember your college roommates? And was it was longer than 15 years ago?

American Idol Season 8 - Week #1 Auditions

2009-01-14T12:44:00.002-06:00

Hey, I'm talking about American Idol Season 8 at Dirty Laundry News and Reviews.

Did you watch last night?

Hello Tuesday!

2009-01-13T14:06:00.003-06:00

Uh oh...it's been more than a week since I posted. Even when I'm slacking, I make it my personal goal to never let an entire week pass.

Sorry.

Take a look at this video. I hope it brightens your day like it did mine.

Growth

2009-01-05T13:30:00.004-06:00

So it's the last day of Christmas vacation and we're sittin' over here watching a Disney movie called My Date With The President's Daughter.

It's the kind of movie I turn on to make my kids happy, and watch with one eye while the other is on my laptop. Then comes the cliche end, when our heroine is seeing the error of her rebel ways.

At which point Scooter5 says, "Mommy, she's growing." Awwwww...

I love that kid.

The end of the world is nigh

2009-01-04T14:22:00.002-06:00

Can y'all please tell my why my sweet little daughters have to hear about erecti0n$ on the television while they're innocently watching football with their Daddy?

Seriously, people. It's frickin' ridiculous. It's bad enough every other commercial is about unfortunate dysfunction, but do they have to be so dadgum graphic?

I vote NO.

Do you Wii?

2009-01-01T11:34:00.005-06:00

I've got several posts bouncing around in my head, but for today I just want to tell you about one of our favorite Christmas gifts.

Our large family gift this year was a Wii, and Redneck Diva and I were thrilled when we found Calvin Tucker's Redneck Jamboree for the Wii.

Y'all.

It is nine kinds of wrong, and ten kinds of FUN.

There's toilet seat horseshoes, there's fishing with dynamite, shootin', lawnmower racing, and did I mention ten kinds of fun?

Now sophisticated it's not. Great graphics? Uhm, no. But please see above, re: ten kinds of fun.

Our friends came over last night for New Year's Eve, and we had the absolute best time playing these ridiculous games. So much fun that they borrowed the game to take to the next party.

We've got Wii Sports, we've got Pool Party, but I'm not ashamed to tell ya that Redneck Jamboree is our current fave.

What's your favorite Wii game?

Whacked-Out Logic

2008-12-27T16:02:00.005-06:00

Warning: This post is in NO way holiday-related. I'm still completely in holiday mode, but right now? Just stoopid.

And on to our topic.

For the past couple of years, Fritos have made me feel yucky. If I eat them, that is. Not miraculously from the grocery shelf or anything. So even though I love, love, love the Frito food group, I stay away from it most of the time. Frito pie (with chili) is okay in moderation, but just a bowl of Fritos? Oh No Ma'am. Unless I want to take to my bed with the yucks.

Do you think it has something to do with the Crohn's?

Anyway.

Today I woke up feeling crappy. I think it's a Christmas hangover or Wii overload or something. I've spent the day sitting in the bed watching DVR'd Christmas movies and supervising children. I did get up to cook lunch, but then straight back to my bedroom when it was over. I ate a half piece of pecan pie while they ate quesadillas and/or pasta with sauce.

Yum. Remind me to tell you sometime about the pecan pie wars in my family. (Not pie throwing, oh no. Pie cooking.)

So anyway, what about the Fritos, Lori? Oh yeah. So I decided that since I feel like crap anyway, I'd indulge myself and eat a bowl of Fritos. I mean, I'm already in bed, right? What's a little Frito hangover gonna change?

How's that for logical?

I am clearly a lunatic.

Just my very, very favorite Christmas movie

2008-12-24T05:20:00.000-06:00

Happy Christmas Eve Eve

2008-12-23T16:51:00.002-06:00

Hey, is your Christmas week going well? Ours is pretty great, even though I forgot I was supposed to babysit today. YIKES! Thank goodness my friend texted me last night to remind me.

Have I told you that Big Daddy's birthday is December 25? Yeah, so when he was a kid? Not so great. Now, however? Dude cleans up. CASHES IN. Rakes in the loot as well. People feel sorry for him, so he gets birthday gifts from ABSOLUTELY EVERYONE. Even my brother who hasn't bought me a Christmas gift in like 5 years.

It's okay, though. Seriously. It's fun spoiling him for a couple of weeks every year. This year he's gotten humpteen pair of new shoes, and a little old 52" Sony Bravia. Spoiled, I tell ya.

What's going on in your little world today?

Shall we pray?

2008-12-15T16:37:00.004-06:00

Last week I mentioned that I have a family member I'd like you to pray for. Today I'll tell you a little more about him.

My uncle can be very caring and giving, but if offended holds a grudge FOR EVER. If he feels he's been wronged, he hates the offender with a white hot heat. For a very long time. Years ago, my dad did something that hurt Uncle's feelings and Uncle ignored my dad for 20 years. Seriously. More recently, another uncle forgot to return a videotape and Uncle has called him a liar and a thief for almost 10 years.

It's so sad.

Uncle had a hard childhood, with a mother who abandoned him to be raised by his grandparents. So now if someone he loves or trusts disappoints him, it hurts him in such an awful way that his love turns right into hate.

I love my Uncle, and he is so good to Big Daddy, me and our girls. I just want him to be happy, and to have the freedom to forgive people.

So will you pray for him, please?

And if you have a family member (or even you!) that we can pray for, please leave your request in the comments or write a post at your blog and sign the Linky below.

Well, it seems that right now I can't get Mr. Linky to work, so just leave any prayer requests in the comments.

God bless us every one.

Mary Lou's Weight Platform

2008-12-15T12:35:00.001-06:00

I entered the Mary Lou's Weigh Platform Giveaway!

Check out Roni’s Weight Loss Blog for more information.

And the Prayer Page is coming soon.

Lifting one another...

2008-12-12T19:08:00.004-06:00

Hey, y'all. It's the beginning of the weekend, and I'm just popping in to tell you that this Monday, December 15, will be the day I post my little prayer chain.

Go here to read about it, and check back in on Monday if you have any prayer requests you want to share with us, especially family members during this holiday season.

Shaving velcro

2008-12-10T21:29:00.002-06:00

You know what drives me crazy?

Velcro.

Seriously, the crap that gets stuck in velcro? Just ugh. And also ick. And a little blech.

But. Because I'm a big freakin' freak, I love grabbin' a set of tweezers, just gettin' in there and pickin' out every little ick and blech.

Where's this coming from, you ask? I just got a pair of Scooter's tennis shoes out of the dryer and the velcro? Yeah, it needed a shave.

So I shaved it.

And even though I'm almost positive that NO one out there wants to know this, I felt compelled to write about it.

So there you have it.

Big freakin' freak.

Let's Pray!

2008-12-06T08:47:00.005-06:00

This morning I was in the shower (I'm sure you needed to know that) doing my deep thinking, as is my custom. My mind wandered to a family member that I love and who has some issues with his attitude.

No, it's not Big Daddy.

And as I was praying for this family member I thought, HEY, wouldn't it great if the whole interweb world, or at least my little corner of it, could pray for Family Member? He's not ill with a life-threatening illness or homelessness or any of the biggies, but y'all? His emotional scars affect his day-to-day life in a sad way.

I was going to ask you to pray for Family Member, and then I wondered if you have a family member or friend who could use prayer, too, for needs big or small. You might have noticed that Christmas is coming up, so what better time to pray for our friends and family than Christmastime?

I may have 0 participants or 20, but I thought I'd open up a little prayer corner, right here at Queen of Dirty Laundry. I'll put up a linky thing in a couple of days, and give you a day's notice to get ready. And then we can all spend a morning or afternoon or midnight praying for each other.

There's no such thing as too much prayer support, right?

My muscle man.

2008-12-05T20:39:00.003-06:00

So Big Daddy has begun working out at the gym every morning at 5:00 a.m., and I am so proud of him. I'm also envious that I don't get to go, because there's the whole issue of our children and supervision and that whole parenting thing.

Yeah, that's it. I'm not going because of the kids. Thank goodness I've got an excuse.

So Big Daddy is working out HARD, so hard that he's got blisters. Poor baby. Except. His blisters? One is on his heel, and the other one on his pinky toe.

Cracks me up.

Homeschool Musings

2008-12-02T14:03:00.006-06:00

You know what? My Tinkerbell has SUCH a hard time with Math, and even after she finally grasps a concept, she doesn't really retain it. Here's the next day, same concept, it's like she's never heard of it before.

And I sit here and work hard to be patient. And I explain the concept to her 42 different ways, hoping that one of the ways will click with her. I use examples, I use manipulatives, I use stories. And she gets more and more frustrated, which makes it even more unlikely that she'll get it.

What's ironic is that if we close the lesson and move on, the next day it seems to be easier for her. I don't know if it just stews in her subconscious or what, but I approach the topic with dread, praying that God will give me the strength for another day of counting money or whatever it is. And she just BLOWS through it, like she's been doing it her whole life.

But here's the point I actually wanted to make. In those moments when I'm just not making sense to Tink, and she's certain that she's never gonna get it, I often wonder if I made the right choice in homeschooling her. And then I realize, there is NO WAY ON EARTH that a public school teacher would ever be able to spend the amount of time that I spend with one student, sticking with it as long as it takes.

What do they do over there in the public school, with a student who has this much trouble, IN SECOND GRADE? Well, she's actually doing 1st grade math, because she learned none of this in public school last year.

They would either send her to tutoring, or ask us to work with her at home. Which, HELLO, is what I'm doing right now. Okay, so I'm cool.

Please understand that I'm not knocking public schools in general, because while both of my girls had some HORRIBLE teachers over there, they also had a couple of wonderful teachers. And I went to public school and turned out just fabulous. As I'm sure you can tell.

I'm just thinking out loud over here.

Norton PC Tuneup

2008-11-26T22:38:00.002-06:00

Hey guys, be sure and check out the review and the giveaway over at Redneck Review.

Kristin, my very favorite Redneck Diva, participated in the Norton PC Tuneup blog tour, and three lucky readers have the opportunity to win a PC tuneup of their very own. Check it out - and good luck!

They're at it again!

2008-11-23T23:10:00.002-06:00

Hey, Hey, Hey!

or is it

Ho, Ho, HO!

It's Christmas Giveaway time again over at 5 Minutes for Mom, and all I can say is WOW. You have got to check it out, people.

My fingers are DEFINITELY crossed.

Bring it on.

2008-11-21T10:53:00.003-06:00

I have GOT to start posting more often, people! Lately I just can't seem think of anything to say beyond:

I'm losing weight.
My kids great.
My kids are insane.
I'm great.
I'm insane.
CHRISTMAS IS ALMOST HERE!

So, in the interest of knocking the cobwebs off my sweet little blob here, I'm doing what the great ones have done: I'm opening this sucker up for questions.

That's right, y'all. Send me your questions. Put 'em in the comments, e-mail me, do whatever you want. And unless it's completely inappropriate, I'll answer it.

Seriously.

Warning: This Post May Cause Drowsiness

2008-11-13T09:26:00.004-06:00

Hey, good mornin'. It's 9:26 down here in Texas, and I'm about to write one of the most boring posts I've ever written.

See, one of my not-so-good character traits is that I always feel like I'm not doing enough. Now granted, sometimes it's because I haven't moved all day long, and I'm NOT doing enough. But other days, like today? I've got to give myself a good kick in the pants and say, "SELF, of course you're doing enough! Now keep up the good work!"

Unfortunately, my Bloggy Friends, you get to suffer through my pep talk this morning. Because I need ME to acknowledge that this morning I:

Got out of bed (that's absolutely the hardest part!)
Made Scooter's lunch
Got Scooter ready for school
Took Scooter to school
Went by my parents' house to pick up some nuts (not the human kind - my house is full of those)
Came home
Started a load of laundry
Got Pooh started on her school work
Took a shower
Cleaned out the medicine cabinet
Listened to Tink whine (currently her favorite sport)
Made my Meal Replacement Shake
Took my supplements
Sat down on my butt to drink my shake and write this post

Yeah, that's not so bad for 9:35, is it?

So do you think I could get away with taking the rest of the day off? Nah, better not.

Got Energy?

2008-11-11T17:38:00.010-06:00

Almost every day, when I greet friends at church or kids' school or volleyball practice, "Hey, how are you?" I hear, "Tired." "Worn out." "Run ragged."

But you know what? I'm not so tired, worn out and run ragged anymore. And it's because a few months ago, Big Daddy and I were introduced to great nutritional products and a company called Advocare.

Being overweight AND living with Crohn's Disease has REALLY robbed me of my get-up-and-go these past few years. And with kids in the equation? Coma city. But these products, y'all? Have changed my life.

Every morning when he gets up, Big Daddy mixes us both a big old cup of Rocket Fuel. It's a combo of Spark, Rehydrate and Arginine Extreme. It's OH, so much better than a cup of coffee. At least for me it is.

Spark gives me enhanced energy and mental focus, WITHOUT JITTERS. The best way I know how to describe it is this: It makes me feel THE WAY I'M SUPPOSED TO. Although I apparently still end sentences with prepositions. I really must work on that.

Rehydrate makes sure that my body stays hydrated, since I'll admit, I DO NOT drink as much water as I should. When I'm hydrated properly I sleep better at night, and a quick Rehydrate even chases away those rotten headaches I get sometimes.

Arginine Extreme enhances strength and stamina as well as helping promote a healthy respiratory system. Although stupid Crohn's Disease attacks my gastrointestinal tract, it also jacks with random things like my joints and respiratory system, so I need all the help I can get.

Friends, since I'm an AdvoCare distributor, OF COURSE I make a bit of money when someone buys products. But listen, I COULD NOT endorse this stuff if it hadn't already changed my life. I'm not a salesperson; I'm just someone who wants to get healthy and help others do the same.

There are other AdvoCare products that Big Daddy and I take, like MNS Max 3 for weight loss, ProBiotic Restore for intestinal health, Joint ProMotion and Catalyst (liposuction in a bottle!), and if you want further information about any of the products or the discounts available, just e-mail me or leave a comment.

Now since I'm about a gazillion pounds overweight, I've obviously got quite a way to go before I'm the picture of health. But Oh, Thank Heavens I've got these products to help me get there.

Without a doubt, AdvoCare Works For Me.

If I sold my blog, I could pay for Christmas!

2008-11-11T17:28:00.001-06:00

My site is worth $1562.2.
How much is yours worth?

Dell is on my last nerve.

2008-11-07T19:31:00.007-06:00

Y'all. I am on the phone with some jokers from Dell, and I am here to tell you, I will never buy another Dell laptop again, as long as I live.

Unless it's a really good deal on Black Friday, that is. But it better be dang cheap. And I will NEVER, EVER pay money for a warranty from Dell. That is $300 that I could have spent on something much less frustrating.

When I purchased my Spring Green Dell laptop, I was oh, so thrilled. My dad and cousin swear by Dell, and I have a Dell desktop that, while slow, has served us well.

But today? Dell Sucks.

Dell Sucks.

Dell really, really sucks.

On-Site, Next Day, Extended Warranty? Actually means that you have to talk to a person in another country, and it's oh, so hard to understand them, FOR HOURS, while they ask you questions and refuse to send someone to the house until they can figure out, IN TIMBUKTU, what the problem is.

Man, I have spent hours and hours on the phone and on chats with these Dell people. On at least 4 occasions. And they have run test after test after test after test. But until they can figure out what the problem is, they won't send a technician to my house. I can, however, send it to them FOR 7 TO 10 DAYS, and they can figure it out at "the depot."

How is that On-Site Service?

This international fellow even asked ME, the ditz in Texas, WHAT TESTS THEY HAD RUN. How the Sam Hill do I know? I clicked on the links and I entered the codes and I gave them remote access, and beyond that? Hey, I was filing my fingernails.

It's WHY I PURCHASED AN EXTENDED WARRANTY, dude.

Okay, so I was a bit petty when he asked me to repeat my address for the 5th time. I told him it hadn't changed since the last time I gave it to him, and it hadn't changed since I purchased the laptop IN APRIL.

I'm not even making sense right now, probably, but DANG I am frustrated. And I want this out there, in the cyberwebbyverse. And if some ditzy mom like me who wants a cute Spring Green laptop is thinking of buying a Dell, she'll STOP RIGHT THERE, missy. Just go on down to Best Buy or Circuit City, or heck, even Big Lots, and buy a laptop WITH NO WARRANTY, because this dadgum warranty is useless.

Send chocolate. And Jack Daniels. And a bodyguard for the joker in Bangkok, Egypt, cause I'm fixin' to go right through this phone line and beat his sarcastic butt.

That is all.

It's random or nothin', people.

2008-11-05T13:53:00.003-06:00

Wassup, my internet peeps? Anyone still out there, hoping against hope that I'll post something, ANYTHING, of substance?

Yeah, well substance it ain't, but here's what's up down here in Texas.

Vacuum cleaner still half-broke.

High-falutin', newfangled dryer not heating. Since it was a floor model, can you say NO WARRANTY?

My house is oh, so cluttered this week. Yes, I mean more than usual. I ordinarily do a fairly good job of keeping the public areas and the girls' bedrooms straight, if not dust-free. Right now? Not so much. Maybe it has something to do with the grillion piles of laundry waiting to be washed AND DRIED.

So tired of hearing about and talking about politics. It's over, it's done with, we can't change it anytime soon, so let's pray and move on.

50 Days Until Christmas? Are you kidding me? And what, 3 weeks until Thanksgiving? EEK! I'd better get out the Amy Grant CDs.

I wanted to lose about 40 pounds between July and the holidays. My 25 pound loss ain't shabby, but I wish it were more.

And finally: I have to make stuffing for a church dinner, and I will not be attempting cornbread stuffing. That's my mom's gig. I will confess that I absolutely LOVE Stovetop Stuffing, but I'm trying to think of a way to make it jazzier for the stuffing snobs. Any suggestions?

Peace out, y'all.

Still kickin'!

2008-10-29T11:26:00.002-06:00

Hey, y'all. Yes, it's been a solid week since I blobbed. See, we went out of the town for the weekend, and I was afraid to say anything, since I'm sure half of you are just dying to know when I leave so you can come steal my 32" TV and my half-broke vacuum cleaner.

I'll tell you more about my trip after I rest some more.

In the meantime here's a funny I found on YouTube.

Talkin' dirty about the economy

2008-10-22T08:12:00.006-06:00

Hey, I try not to get all political or philosophical or controversial over here in Dirty Laundrydom, but you know what?

I am just so sick of hearing about moratoriums on foreclosures and making mortgages more affordable and affordable loans for borrowers with less-than-stellar credit, ad nauseum.

Let me tell ya why.

I live in a 1450 square foot house, because it's what I can afford.

Big Daddy is a licensed plumber who has worked in construction for most of our marriage. Sometimes he's made great money, sometimes he's made crappy money, and right now he's blessed to have a job with a great company and great benefits.

I'm a stay-at-home Mom, but in my former life I was an administrative assistant. I was blessed to make a decent wage, but it wasn't excessive.

We do this little thing in our home called budgeting. Now we're not as good as Dave Ramsey would like us to be, assigning every penny a place, but what budgeting means to us is this: We know how much money we make, and we know what our bills are, and those are our boundaries.

When BD and I got ready to buy our first house in 1998, I think we qualified for maybe $100,000. Didn't matter what we qualified for, though, cause we knew WHAT WE COULD AFFORD. We bought the cutest little duplex that cost $51,000, and we loved it.

Next house, we qualified for about $120,000, but we only spent $75,000. Cause that's what we KNEW we could pay for.

Next? We were approved for a whopping $150,000, but we bought this house for $87,000. Eight years ago next month. We have since added 3 darling daughters to our family, and we are here in this sweet house with 1450 square feet, because it is just too scary for us to take the gamble of living beyond our means.

You know what? I bet 3+ years ago, when BD had a rockin' job and I was still working and we were getting paid by the State to provide foster care, we could have qualified for and bought a big honkin' house in my dream neighborhood. But you know what? It was too big a gamble. One that we would have lost, by the way, because the foster stipend ended when we adopted, and Big Daddy lost that rockin' job, and my girls needed me at home with them more than they needed a big house or too many clothes.

Aren't I good at rambling on?

My point is this: Why in the Sam Hill are we rewarding people for making BAD FINANCIAL DECISIONS?

I'm gonna be real blunt here, okay? If I buy more house than I can afford because the realtor or whoever gets me some creative financing, I deserve to get foreclosed on if I don't make my payments.

If I have bad credit, then I need to RENT until I improve my credit. BAD CREDIT means that I don't pay my dadgum bills! Why on earth should anyone give me a loan to buy a house if I haven't paid the bills I already have?

Now I know that there are people out there who are so naive that they get screwed. I had a friend who bought a brand new little house at a reasonable price, but the salesman flat out lied to them about their taxes, and their payment went up about $500 the second year. That was $500 they couldn't afford, so they had to sell their house.

That's right, they sold their house and moved back into an apartment until they could repair their credit and buy another house. It took 2 years of sacrifice, but they did it. They didn't whine and ask for relief and demand that the government help them out. They HANDLED THEIR BUSINESS LIKE GROWN-UPS.

Okay, so can ya tell I'm passionate about this? It just irks me that I've lived within my means even though it's difficult, but people who made poor choices are being rewarded.

Am I missing something here? PLEASE tell me sweetly what you think.

Here's a quickie...

2008-10-17T11:56:00.002-06:00

So I may have mentioned on Wednesday that I am OH so busy this week, and believe it or not, i left out some of my schedule. And since I know that you've spent countless hours wondering, "Is that all? What else might Lori be doing this week?" I'm here to let you know.

Last night Big Daddy took two of the girls and went to the sporting goods store to buy a new bike seat and volleyball gear. While he did that, I went to Kinko's, back home, Payless, Staples, Kinko's again, Target, and Jack in the Box. While he bought a bike seat and some shoes.

Not that I'm keeping score or anything.

This morning I participated in a Senior Health and Wellness Fair, came home to babysit, and at 2:00 we're going to watch Scooter5 cheer in the Homecoming Pep Rally. How cute is that?

But I'm sleepy, y'all. My eyes are really sleepy. I can't wait for 3:00, when hopefully I will be snuggled down deep in my bed with these eyes closed in blissful sleep.

A girl can dream, can't she?

Oh, what a week!

2008-10-15T08:36:00.004-06:00

Hey, let me tell ya something.

I can't wait for Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa to open. Those penguins crack me up!

Okay, that's not really what I was gonna tell ya, but the commercial came on as I was typing, and seriously! I can't wait for this movie!

But anyway.

Hey, let me tell ya something, dang it. I am a homebody, my friends. I like to be here, in my home. And not so much in other places. And this week? Is all about the other places.

Monday night: Fantasy Football meeting at the sports bar/family restaurant.
Tuesday night: Pooh8 volleyball practice (fun!) and Big Daddy's softball game (lost!)
Wednesday night: Life Group
Thursday night: Shopping for new bicycle seats, cheerleading shorts and volleyball gear
Friday night: Sweet, sweet nothing, I hope.

I'm more than a little overwhelmed, because the days are just about as full as the evenings, with homeschooling, babysitting, and business stuff.

Now I realize that many of you are MUCH busier than this, but me? I need me some down time, yo. Or I get all delirious and start saying things like "Yo."

Oh hey, you know what other movie I wanna see? The one with the dog? Who thinks he's a superhero, but he only plays one on TV? It's called Zoom or Flash or somethin' like that. John Travolta is the voice of the dog, and it looks like a hilarious movie.

Okay, I looked it up - It's actually called Bolt.

In still other movie news, we saw Beverly Hills Chihuahua on Monday, and it was <what's another word for hilarious?>. Honestly, I wasn't crazy about Drew Barrymore as the voice of Chloe, but the movie? GREAT. George Lopez, Cheech Marin, Paul Rodriguez? Ridiculously funny.

So thanks for sticking it out with this rambling post. I'm off to find some medication for my adult-onset ADD.

You know what's weird?

2008-10-14T08:42:00.002-06:00

You know what's weird?

That someone who doesn't like me reads my blog first thing every morning. Sort of gives me the willies.

Wait! Don't go!

2008-10-11T20:57:00.003-06:00

Yes, it's still me. I just can't seem to stop changing backgrounds and colors on my little ol' blob here.

What do you think?

Saturday Scramble

2008-10-11T13:53:00.008-06:00

So yeah, it's another Saturday and I'm sittin' here chillin' with my girls. I love my hubby cause he left the house 20 minutes early to run an errand for me so I don't have to leave the house.

Rock on, Big Daddy.

I've spent the morning scanning images and trying to get some inspiration to redesign my blog and that of my VERY favorite friend, The Redneck Diva. I changed my background first and when I took a look at it I realized - I HAVEN'T POSTED IN ALMOST A WEEK! So it's time for yet more randomy goodness.

The highlights of my week?

Found a dentist here in town - and I think he's good! Now I don't have to drive 15 miles to Next Biggish Town to the dentist office I didn't like anyway.

Learned that Pooh8 is missing some canine adult teeth, so she's gonna be a snaggletooth until she's a little older, when we can get her some fake chompers. Bless her heart.

Enrolled Scooter5 in a Mini Cheerleading camp at school. She's dadgum hilarious. HEElarious.

I'm currently addicted to fajitas - thank goodness they're relatively healthy. The only problem? The lingering smell of onions that hangs in my house for 2 days afterwards.

We're listening to The Traveler's Gifton CD right now - it's PHENOMENAL. You really must check it out. If you've read it, please tell me what you thought about it!

Highlights to come?

We're planning a trip to Albuquerque soon - combining business with pleasure. Big Daddy has TONS of family there, so it should be a GREAT time. Long drive, though. Maybe I should self-medicate.

And on that note, my friends, I've got to go chop up some onions and cry my eyes out. Have a great weekend!

Dancing With The Stars - October 6

2008-10-06T21:46:00.002-06:00

Well, I've gone and started blogging about Dancing With The Stars again. If you watch the show, come on over to the Review Blog and tell me what you think!

What's another word for Random?

2008-10-04T16:36:00.002-06:00

Scattered thoughts this week, my friends. Scattered thoughts. For example:

Why do they send so much crap home from Children's Church? And I feel so guilty throwing any of it away! For goodness sakes, my kids made the crafts with their own little bitty hands, and the handouts have scripture all over 'em! Yeah, I trash most of it anyway. I just add 10 minutes to my daily devotions to make up for it.
~
And while we're on the subject of paper and other crap, tell me - what is it that y'all do with school papers and teacher notes and birthday cards and insurance policies and electric bills and vet records and just all those pieces of paper that comes into our houses every day? Because this crap is threatening my sanity.
~
When you've got a whole gallon of milk, and you realize it expires tomorrow, is it wrong to feed your kids cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner? They don't mind, and I make sure to throw in some fruit to balance it out. Thoughts? Opinions? Scathing critiques?
~
When did people stop typing 2 spaces after the period? I still do it, but I think I'm in the minority. Y'all, it's a rule of grammar. Or typing or whatever. They can't just change it, can they?
~
Why is Breast Cancer so much more important than the other cancers? This is a serious question; I'm not being flippant. Is it more prevalent than, say, pancreatic or lung cancer? I mean, my goodness, everything is pink these days! I'm not complaining, cause I love pink and I certainly want to see cancer beaten, but I just wonder about these things.
~
I have an urge to sew and I really, really wish I could find my sewing box. I have pins and needles and thread and tape measures and all sorts of equipment in there, and I can't find it. I could go buy new supplies, but I think the only place to do that in my town is Wal-Mart, and although I'm not opposed to Wal-Mart, I am opposed to rude people and crowds. So you see my dilemma.

They don't have needles and thread at Michael's or Target, do they?
~
I love my friends, y'all.

I'm not talkin' about those people you think you know, and then you realize that it's all just a phony, fake act.

I'm talking about people who have your back, no matter what. Friends who hurt when you hurt, not friends who hurt you on purpose. I'm re-learning (AGAIN!) what it means to be a friend and to have a friend and just to be who I'm SUPPOSED to be, instead of what someone else expects me to be.

Ya know?

Ah, the exuberance of youth!

2008-09-28T19:08:00.003-06:00

Pooh: I didn't know Angelo was a country in Africa!
Me: Huh?
Pooh: I didn't know Angelo...Angela...uh...Africa...
Me: Angola?
Pooh: I didn't know Angola was a country in Africa!
Me: Yep.
Pooh: THAT'S AWESOME!

It's AWESOME that Angola is a country in Africa?

Seriously.

I may be a bit catty tonight.

Weekend Update

2008-09-26T05:42:00.004-06:00

Hey, y'all. Just wanted to say

HEY! I'm alive!

Obviously I haven't been motivated to post anything this week, and I'm not really sure why. I could beat myself up about it, and I'm really good at that, but it wouldn't turn back time and have posts magically appear, so...meh.

So what's been goin' on? A big old bunch a nothin'. Hence the absence of posts.

Let me see if I can bring you up to date.

Cooked.
Babysat.
Schooled the chirren.
Watched Big Daddy play softball.
Built an Advocare empire.
Hopefully cut off drama's head, once and for all.

Looking forward to?

Peace.
Some rest, maybe?
Seeing Fireproof.

Oh yeah, and 3 years ago today we finalized the adoption of two of our girls. Tomorrow is the anniversary of the other. I'd love to write a post about it, but every time I try I get all verklempt and nothing I write is coherent or makes sense. Stay tuned.

And have a great Friday, people. I'll try not to be such a stranger.

How's this for some irony?

2008-09-21T05:26:00.005-06:00

So I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I've had just some VERY vivid dreams about stupid drama that's been imposed on our lives, as well as various aches and pains that keep me from getting good rest.

Last night (and early morning) I woke up several times, the last time being around 5:00. I remember thinking, "Wow, I sure wish I could sleep in, instead of getting up and getting ready for church." I do that a lot in the middle of the night; plot and scheme ways to get some more sleep. My plans rarely become reality.

Around 6:00 I woke again to hysterical crying, and stumbled into my bathroom to find Scooter throwing up. I tended to her, gagging myself, because that's how I roll, all the while thinking, "Hey, I bet she's gonna have to stay home from church."

But y'all, my scheme wasn't about wanting to skip church; it was just how to get in some more sleep. So now I'm awake, an hour early, tending to a sick kid, AND I don't get to go to church.

Explain to me how that's fair.

I should just change the name to All Scooter, All the Time.

2008-09-19T20:26:00.000-06:00

Scooter's night-night prayer:

God, please help me to be good, and please watch over your little lamb.

Cause I'm your little lamb. All the other people are your sheeps. All the big people are your sheeps and the little peoples are lambs. And you are the shepherd.

And you watch over me.

Amen.

Real Life

2008-09-18T18:26:00.005-06:00

Scooter5 is in private kindergarten this year at our church. I love that they have a memory verse to learn every week; it reminds me of when I was a little girl. We practice her verse every chance we get.

Here's a little exchange from our dinner table tonight:

Me: Children...

Scooter: Obey your parents...in the Lord...for this is good.

Me: Amen, sister.

Big Daddy and I exchange high fives, cause we're oh, so proud.

Scooter: And facuse me for tootin'.

That's real life right there, people.

They're on to me.

2008-09-17T16:17:00.003-06:00

Me: Hey, Scooter, my foot is just screaming! Do you know what it's saying?

Scooter5: Is it saying for me to stop singing?

Me: Nope. It's saying for the cute little singing girl to come rub it.

Scooter: I can't hear it.

Me: Oh yeah, I can hear it.

Scoot: Tink7, can you hear it?

Tink: Nope.

Yeah, it was worth a shot.

Hey, We're alive!

2008-09-15T05:29:00.003-06:00

So we didn't blow away! Kinda hard to do when the winds are 17 mph and the rain is BORING.

Yeah, Ike decided to veer right so it rained all day Saturday, and folks? That. Was. It. I'll admit I was a bit disappointed, cause I enjoy a good non-devastating storm, but we went on ahead and ate our Ro-Tel dip anyway. I mean, we went to all the trouble of buying it, might as well enjoy it.

The rest of the weekend? Also boring. Not much to report, but I did want to let everyone know that we survived the .24 inches of rain.

I'll be back when I have, OH, ANYTHING to say.

Oh, and Happy Monday!

Oh, there's a hurricane?

2008-09-12T12:45:00.004-06:00

Hey y'all, I am a little dense sometimes. Didja pick up on that yet?

So I've been hearing about Hurricane Ike all week long, and I keep thinking, I really need to check into this and see what it means for me.

But it's been a dramapalooza over here this week, and I just never got around to it. Even though every time I turn on the TV, the radio, it's Ike, Ike, Ike.

Then last night, my Okie friend texted me, "Are y'all building your ark yet?" And I thought, How cute is she? Hmmm...I hope we don't get water in the house again like we do when it rains real hard cause those doofus developers built that new subdivision and now my house floods once a year. I really need to check a weather report. And even, you know, pay attention.

But I was SITTING IN A BOARD MEETING at that moment, so I decided to start paying attention to the topics being discussed, and Ike left my brain again.

This morning my friend was here and said, "There's supposed to be rain and winds up to 30 and 40 miles an hour." And I thought, Wow.

Y'all, I don't know nothin' about wind speeds. Seriously. No frame of reference. I Do Not Know What That Means. I'd really better check that out.

For those of you still involved in our saga, that brings me to now. Or 15 minutes before now, when I'm getting caught up at Google Reader, and I read this post at Big Mama. And I thought, That's almost exactly what I'd buy to hunker down in a storm. Except I'd find a way to make some Ro-Tel and Velveeta cheese dip, dadgummit. I've got my priorities straight up here in North Texas. They may be sissies down in San Antonio, but how you gonna ride out a storm without some Velveeta? Oh and also, I have GOT to check out a weather report!

So I checked the weather report, y'all. Yeah, uhm, Ike Likely To Hit North Texas as a Tropical Storm.

I've got to get to Wal-Mart before they run out of Velveeta.

Stand.

2008-09-11T10:22:00.002-06:00

Let me tell y'all something.

I'm sad today.

About 3 months ago I was accused of being mad and rude and offended and I don't remember what else, and it upset me. And I cried. And I tried to fix it. And I couldn't.

But I kept trying. Because that is what God calls me to do.

And for three months the person who accused me has carried a grudge and accused me of additional offenses and talked behind my back, and I have kept trying. Because that is what God calls me to do.

On a daily basis, I deal with anxiety and a chronic illness that is EXACERBATED by anxiety and stress. In spite of this, I have tried so hard to move out of my comfort zone to be kind and forgiving. I praise God every day for giving me strength to go down those hard roads.

And last night people sat in my living room and said it's not enough. This person said, point blank, "I'm not ready to let go of this. That's just the way I am."

What do you say to that? WHAT do you do?

And even as I was typing this, in my spirit I heard, "Stand. Having done all, STAND."

Ephesians 6:10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

11Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

12For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

13Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

14Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

15and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

16In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

17Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

OOH, I do love my God.

And I'm not so sad any more.

2008-09-11T07:54:00.002-06:00

John 10:10

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Scooter's Prayer

2008-09-10T19:44:00.000-06:00

God, please help me be good tomorrow at school, cause I know you want me to be good.

And Tink needs to 'cide, and Mommy needs to 'cide, and Daddy needs to 'cide, and Pooh needs to 'cide, and I need to 'cide...of You. Cause we need you.

I love you, God. Jesus' name. Amen.

Top Five Things

2008-09-09T13:25:00.009-06:00

I saw the words Top Five somewhere on Twitter today and I was inspired to write a Top Five List.

Top Five What? Hmmm. Okay, Top Five Irksome Things This Week.

Oh, and I suppose I should go in reverse like David Letterman, huh? Cause I'm certainly as amusing as David Letterman, right?

*crickets chirping*

Whatever. Here are the Top Five Irksome Things in my otherwise idyllic life.

Number 5! Dogs sleeping on my head every night. Actually, just ONE dog - Bear. I suppose that's something to be thankful for then, isn't it?

Number 4 - Buster won't stop licking me. But at least he doesn't sleep on my head.

Number 3 - No matter how often I vacuum and sweep the kitchen, I still get crumbs on my feet when I walk barefoot. Ick.

Number 2 - My desktop computer is REALLY SLOW.

NUMERO UNO - Beloved friends have suddenly decided they don't like us, that we're the devil, and have set out to make our lives miserable with their drama. Nice.

Now, because this is a Happy Blog and I like Happy Things, here are the Top Five Happy Things to balance out the crap.

5. Our business is going GREAT!

4. It's raining today!

3. I bought two Magic Bullet blender thingies on clearance at Walgreens today for $15.49 each. That's a 75% discount, yo.

2. I found a wonderful online curriculum to use with my two big girls, and they are LOVING it!

1. We have friends who support us with prayer and spiritual wisdom when we're dealing with unpleasantness. Hallelujah!

God is in control, y'all. And I love him.

UPDATE: Nobody actually SAID we were the devil. Let's just say we're on their poop list.

The online curriculum we're using right now is Time4Learning. So far we really like it, and it's reasonably priced.

Sarcastic much?

2008-09-08T12:53:00.003-06:00

Yeah, sarcasm might be a bit overused in our house.

Pooh: Mom, do you think we'll EVER be able to go back to Build A Bear Workshop and use my gift card?
Me: Nope. Never.

Tinkerbell: Mom, are you ever gonna make spaghetti again?
Me: Nope. Never.

Child: Mom, do you remember when you told me that we could go to Build A Bear after church on a Sunday sometimes?
Me: Yep. I remember. *crickets chirping*

I'm convinced that when Bill Engvall created his "Here's Your Sign" bit, he must have been inspired by the unnecessary questions kids ask.

Pooh: Mom, do you want me to put my shoes away?
Me: Nope. I want you to stand there all day long holdin' 'em. Here's your sign.

Scooter: (As we leave the house on a Sunday morning with our Bibles) Are we going to church now?
Me: Nope. Going to preach at the jail. Here's your sign.

I'm such a mean mother.

2008-09-02T23:07:00.003-06:00

You know when you're driving somewhere out of the ordinary, and your kids get tired of riding, so they ask the famous question,

"Are we there yet?"

I just tell 'em, "Yep."

Cracks me up every time.

We're roaring down the highway and you're gonna ask me if we're there? As my Momma used to say, "Ask a foolish question, you'll get a foolish answer."

Kids, kids, kids

2008-08-30T09:46:00.005-06:00

A few days ago, Tink and I were talking about public school versus homeschooling, and the rules and routines of both.

I said to her, "When your teacher gave you an assignment, you had to sit and do it without getting up or talking, right? You couldn't just get up and walk around the classroom, could you?"

And Tink said, "Well, we got one reminder."

And duh, the light bulb went off over my head. That's her modus operandi. Waiting for the one reminder. And not just her, but all three of my darlings.

What I mean is this. They disobey until I tell them to obey. They're not awful or horrible, but they know exactly how long they can misbehave - until I say something.

Clothes are left in the bathroom floor until I tell them to pick 'em up.
Dishes are in the sink until I remind someone to put 'em in the dishwasher.
Bed is unmade until I remind 'em to make it.
Shoes are in the floor until I remind 'em to put them away.
They're noisy in the car until I tell 'em to stop playing.
They say Yeah until I remind them to say Yes ma'am.
They scrape toys on the furniture until I tell them to stop.

You get the idea.

Y'all, we have rules for EVERY ONE OF THESE AREAS. And nobody follows the rules until I give them "one reminder."

And I am such a ditz that I just realized it.

I'm slow like that.

I used to think, "Hey, what's the big deal? It doesn't bother me to remind someone to do their chores. At least they do it." Yeah, I'm over that. It bothers me.

So we went to Zero Tolerance yesterday and the kiddos, they are not taking it well.

Clothes on my bathroom floor? Consequence.
Dishes in the sink? Consequence.
Bed unmade? Consequence.
Shoes in the floor? Consequence.
Noisy in the car? Consequence.
Say yeah to an adult? Consequence.
Scrape toys on the furniture? Consequence.

It's exhausting, y'all, and I ran out of consequences long ago. But then my good friend Kristin reminded me today about Chore Charts.

Now I'm a big fan of charts, but I'm NOT GOOD AT ALL at being consistent. But I think I'd better GET consistent, or things are gonna get ugly up in here.

What about you? Are you consistent or do you lose focus without realizing it? What's the method that works best for you in maintaining some order and consistency in your home?

How many more times can I say consistent?

Please. Share your wisdom with the Queen of Dirty Laundry.

The Food Experience Meme

2008-08-29T17:09:00.005-06:00

I saw this meme over at A Day In The Life of Binks, and since I'm trying DESPERATELY to post more often, I copied and pasted this sucker in a flash. I'm tellin' ya right now that I haven't even heard of some of these food items; in fact I'm not even sure they ARE food. But here goes...

The Food Experience Meme

Have you ever tried:

Venison? Yes. Not a fan.
Nettle tea? Absolutely not.
Huevos rancheros? YES!
Steak tartare? No
Crocodile? Nope, but I've tried gator.
Black pudding? Never heard of it.
Cheese fondue? I've never had ANY fondue. Aren't I deprived?
Carp? Maybe; I'm not sure.
Borscht? No
Baba ghanoush? No
Calamari? Yes
Pho? Yep.
PB&J sandwich? Yes, but I prefer my PB without jelly.
Aloo gobi? No clue, dude.
Hot dog from a street cart? Yes, if the cart in front of Home Depot counts.
Epoisses? Huh?
Black truffle? Nope
Fruit wine made from something other than grapes? Does this include Boone's Farm?
Steamed pork buns? I don't think so.
Pistachio ice cream? Oh yeah.
Heirloom tomatoes? I don't think so.
Fresh wild berries? Dewberries when I was a kid.
Foie gras? Negatory.
Rice and beans? Oh yeah.
Brawn, or head cheese? No way on earth.
Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper? No, but Big Daddy has.
Dulce de leche? I think so.
Oysters? Only fried. I've never been able to eat a raw one.
Baklava? Yes.
Bagna cauda? I'm pretty sure not.
Wasabi peas? Yup.
Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl? No sourdough bowl.
Salted lassi??
Sauerkraut? Just this week, baby.
Root beer float? Probably, but I'm not a fan.
Cognac with a fat cigar? I may have had cognac, but I didn't know what it was. Cigar? Not that I recall.
Clotted cream tea? Huh?
Vodka jelly/Jell-O? Nope. But maraschinos soaked in vodka? Why yes.
Gumbo? Yes ma'am.
Oxtail? Oh no ma'am.
Curried goat? N-O, No.
Whole insects? Not on purpose.
Phaal? I'm stumped on this one.
Goat's milk? I hope not.
Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$130 or more? Possibly.
Fugu? Again with the ignorance.
Chicken tikka masala? Huh uh.
Eel? Nope.
Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut? Oh yeah, baby.
Sea urchin? Nope.
Prickly pear? Nope
Umeboshi? Not that I'm aware of.
Abalone? No?
Paneer? Wow, how uninitiated is my palate?
McDonald's Big Mac Meal? Probably, but not in many years.
Spaetzle? No again.
Dirty gin martini? Nein.
Beer above 8% ABV? I don't even know what that means, but I HATE beer.
Poutine? No clue.
Carob chips? Finally a yes.
S'mores? Affirmative.
Sweetbreads? Absolutely not.
Kaolin? NO.
Currywurst? How many ways can I say NO?
Durian? No clue.
Frogs' legs? YES!
Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake? Churros and funnel cake!
Haggis? Hell to the no.
Fried plantain? Nope.
Chitterlings? Absolutely positively NO.
Gazpacho? Yes.
Caviar and blini? Caviar, yes. Blini? I don't even know what that is. Cause I'm a clod.
Louche absinthe? Nope.
Gjetost, or brunost? Is someone just making up words here?
Roadkill? Give me a break. Oh, wait! My friend's dad hit a deer, and that's why I answered YES to venison. Does that mean I've eaten roadkill? GAH!
Baijiu? No.
Hostess Fruit Pie? Yes. But I only like pineapple or strawberry.
Snail? Nope.
Lapsang souchong??
Bellini? Fruity = good.
Tom yum? When will this end?
Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant? No.
Kobe beef? No.
Hare? I think not.
Goulash? Yes.
Flowers? Uh no.
Horse? My heavens, I hope not.
Criollo chocolate? It's possible.
Spam? Yes.
Soft shell crab? Do they serve that at Red Lobster or Catfish Sam's?
Rose harissa? nope.
Catfish? Absolutely and positively YES.
Mole poblano? Yes, in a little village in the mountains of Mexico. At a wedding.
Bagel and lox? Nope.
Lobster Thermidor? Nope.
Polenta?do Yes.
Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee? Probably not.
Snake? Nope.

Goodness, y'all, this was a much longer list than I expected. I just went back and counted, and there are 99 items up there! I don't know how many I answered yes to, because I kept on losing my place. I'm apparently overtaken with the ditzy tonight.

Hey, why don't you tell me the weirdest thing, on this list, that you've ever eaten. And if you decide to play along at your blog, feel free to edit the list.

The Best Sunday Ever

2008-08-26T19:54:00.003-06:00

Hey, I've been wanting to tell y'all about Sunday but I just have had the hardest time putting my thoughts together. But I don't wanna forget everything, so here's a Not Put Together post about the Reception/Reunion that I went to on Sunday.

When we last heard from our heroine, she was anxious about People From Her Past seeing her at her current weight of A Gazillion. Hey, guess what? Nobody said, "OMG Lori, you're so FAT!" It was fine. In fact, a few people even told me I looked YOUNG. So Praise God on that.

Now that we've got that issue out of the way, let me back up. This reception on Sunday was for my former pastor, to celebrate 60 YEARS IN THE MINISTRY. That's right, y'all. Pastor Jimmy Hester has been in the ministry for 60 years. He's been a missionary in Africa and Italy, pastored several churches, the last (and best) one being Arlington Christian Center, in Arlington, Texas. Since his "retirement" he's concentrated on evangelism and raising support for missionaries around the world.

He rocks.

This man, y'all. He supported me and stood by me in the darkest hours of my life, and when I didn't know which way to turn, he showed me. He stood there in his office and said, "Lori, we'll take care of you." At a time when my own parents didn't know how to support me, this man said, "Here's what we're gonna do." And he took care of me.

Deep breath. I adore this man.

So anyway. Sunday. Reception. It was awesome. It was like a High School Reunion, but where everyone liked you. It was a whirlwind of hugs and tears and interruptions and Oh My Goodness and it was fabulous.

Oh, I saw people I love so much but haven't seen in YEARS, just YEARS and had no hope of ever seeing them again. And I saw them and I talked to them and I hugged them and I may not be making sense, but OH I'm so happy.

And I could go on and on and on but you'd be bored and it wouldn't make much sense, so I'm just gonna give a shout-out to all my long-lost friends and thank my bloggy friends for readin' my ramblings.

Y'all rock.

Miss Crankypants, Live and In Person

2008-08-23T21:05:00.002-06:00

Hey, guess what.

I'm oh, so cranky tonight. I fought the cranky most of the day, but now I'm just so crotchety that my jaw is hurting.

What does cranky have to do with my jaw? I don't know, but my jaw hurts, so there.

Here's my cranky list:

I lost my good wireless mouse. The cheap one I got for next to nothing that falls apart occasionally but works like a charm.

I hate my other wireless mouse, a lovely Microsoft junker that flashes and works sporadically. Jerk.

Bear has dadgum fleas that we CAN NOT get rid of. And oh yeah, he's allergic to them so he bites and licks all the DADGUM time. ALL THE TIME. I'm slowly going insane from the sound.

Oh yeah, and my darling Bear has also decided that his favorite place to sleep is on my pillow. Which wouldn't be so bad, cause AW, but he walks back and forth across my hair multiple times PER HOUR. Every night. Good times.

Two of my girls are standing here staring at me, RIGHT NOW. It's their new favorite thing to do. Just stand in my bedroom and watch me. Creeps me out, y'all.

I have to go to an event tomorrow where I will see MANY people that I've known forever, most of whom haven't seen me at my current weight of A GAZILLION. I'm nervous.

I didn't get any $7 kids' jeans at Old Navy today because the first store I tried to go to HAD MOVED, and the second one looked like a circus so we fled. Tried online, but OUT OF STOCK. Wah.

I want some chocolate. Specifically, Good Chocolate. Anything from Hershey's on up. The leftover Easter chocolate just won't do. Those ChocoMallows in the kitchen are calling my name, though. That's not gonna help those Gazillion Pounds, yo.

I think I'm gonna have a yummy Advocare Snack Bar and call it a night, y'all.

Tomorrow's gotta be better.

How do you watch the Olympics?

2008-08-22T18:23:00.004-06:00

So guess what we've been watching on TV? You guessed it - the Olympics. How about you?

We were just watching an American Men's Volleyball game and as they won, I watched a woman in the crowd cheering, just shocked with happiness. She was jumping, holding her hand over her mouth, thrilled. But she looked surprised, as if she couldn't believe the great news.

Which made me wonder - Is she really surprised? She's obviously a fan of the American Team. Did she think they'd lose?

And so on and so on. I obviously think way too much about things that probably don't matter.

So then I started thinking, What's my attitude when I watch the Olympics, or any sport, for that matter? Here's what I realized. When I watch a sporting event or contest where I'm rooting for a specific person or team, I love it when they're winning but fear that they'll lose.

I don't even know what "rooting for" a team means, because what I do is hope and hope and hope and hope. And worry and worry and worry and worry. And hope nothing bad happens.

Don't you think that's weird?

What's going through your mind when you watch sports? I'm curious.

It's too early for me to make sense.

2008-08-18T03:29:00.005-06:00

Dadgummit, it's 4:30 in the a.m.

And here's why.

I am woken up from a sort-of-nice but way too hard to explain dream, by a whining dog. Thinking that said dog needs to go outside to potty, I tell him, "Good boy, Bear!" and let him out. Noticing that he stops right outside the back door to drink from the outside water bowl, I wonder if there's water inside.

Why no, there's not. Thanks for checking.

I contemplate waking Daughter Number One, as watering the dogs is her job, and if I'm up at 4 in the a.m., shouldn't she be too?

Please note that I did not wake Daughter Number One, mostly because I didn't feel like dealing with Zombie Princess from Sleepy Town.

While checking the dogs' water, I see dog poopy in the living room. Thank goodness I didn't step in it.

Can't pick up the poopy yet cause I'm about to tinkle in my very own drawers, so I high-tail it back to my bathroom.

Ahhhhhhh.

NOW I go back to pick up the dog poopy, which I somehow feel is Daughter Number One's fault, since she's the reason I had to get up at 4-something because My Darling Bear was thirsty.

OH! I almost forgot because I'm half asleep. I'm dying of thirst so I open the refrigerator to get a swig of Diet DP, and guess what! Fridge is not running.

Lovely.

Fortunately, I know the trick - the GFCI (or GCFI or GIFC or whatever) switch in the kitchen has kicked off AGAIN, and all I have to do is reset it. At 4 in the a.m.

So I take a moment to wonder if God had Wonder Dog wake me up at just so I could turn the fridge back on. But that thought-process becomes way too philosophical way too quickly, so I just get out the laptop to write about it instead.

While Bear sleeps on my pillow.

Where I should be.

I'm gonna go kick him off now.